treppenwitz

Memo to Gen Xers and Millennials:

Those of us older than 40 do not live on our phones. 

As a rule, we do not check for new texts (SMSs, WhatsApps, etc.), every minute or two throughout the day. 

Our ears are not alert to the various chimes, bings, beeps and vibrations our phones give off, nor do these sounds and sensations trigger a Pavlovian reflex to take out and stare at our phones, negating/dismissing the presence of real live human beings in our immediate vicinity.

We do not scour social media around the clock to see if someone has 'tagged' us or mentioned us in a tweet.  In fact, stumbling on a week old Facebook conversation that was extremely relevant at the time but is no longer so, feels like hearing about a party to which we were not invited.

We often ignore our email for hours - days, even, if we are away from work -at a time.

Therefore:

If you are trying to coordinate anything with us that is time-sensitive (e.g. a ride, pickup/drop/off, meeting, deadline, dinner reservation, etc.), pick up the damned phone and call us!

If I get to work and find something like this when I sit down to drink a coffee and get around to looking at my phone, please don't ever ask me for a ride ever again:

If you ask me to have something ready for you to pick-up (something that you need from me!!!), and then leave the following messages on my phone for me to find sometime in the future, you can delete my number... because I am dead to you:

I can't decide if this behavior is more passive-aggressive, ADHD, anti-social or some combination of all three.  But what I do know is that, as a rule, you need us old farts a hell-of-a-lot more than we need you.

Also, I know it is cumbersome to actually type out actual sentences with verbs, nouns and other basic parts of speech.  We've given you a pass on using recognizable email, memo or letter formats with a greeting, opening paragraph, statement of purpose, summation and closing salutation (including your name!).  We've even given you a total pass on spelling (GR8, CU L8R, GTG. LOL!).

But if instead of sending me an actual written text you send me a recorded message that will force me to disturb people around me in order to find out what you've said... guess who's going on my blocked list?!  And no, I don't need you to show me how to do that!!! [smug little sh*ts]

 

Under-Appreciated Magic

As an ex-pat American who has traveled extensively for work, I have often been struck by how how much more volatile and adversarial (combative, even!), Israeli business culture is compared with elsewhere in the developed world. 

For example, it is not at all unusual for Israelis in a professional setting to cut each other off mid-sentence, shout at one another, slam their hands on the conference table to emphasize a point, shout each-other down or even toss out dismissive and/or insulting jabs to score points in an argument.

A few recently overheard phrases that come to mind (translated to English): 

• What do you have? - ?מה יש לך (what's your problem? / what's wrong with you!)
• Have you gone crazy?! - ?השתגעת (said regarding anything outside the speaker's comfort zone)
• Don't confuse my brain! - !אל תבלבל לי את המוח (stop making me crazy!)
• Go find your friends! - !לך לחפש את החברים שלך (you'll be on your own)
• Don't be naive! - !אל תהיה נאיבי / תמים (grow up!)
• You must be confused! - אתה מבולבל (you don't know your place)
• Nonsense! - שְׁטוּיוֹת (dismissive usually combined with a wave of the hand)
• Dumbbell! -  דביל! (Usually said about someone, not to their face)
• Waste of Time - !חבל על הזמן (can be either very good or very bad, depending on context)
• What Garbage! - איזה זבל (dismissive used to denigrate bad work)
• You're living in a film! - אתה חי בסרט (disconnected from reality / a drama queen)
• What a mess! - איזה בלאגן (anything that isn't arranged as the speaker would have done)
• He has a cockroach in his head! - יש לו ג'וק בראש (someone who can't let go of a bad idea)
• A redeemer has come to Zion! - !ובא לציון גואל (used sarcastically when a newcomer to the dicussion thinks they have saved the day)

I was recently in a meeting with several colleagues when the discussion began to get heated.  Opinions were dismissed, facts were discounted, intentions were questioned and feelings (mine, anyway), began to get hurt.

And then suddenly I took a mental step back and looked around the conference table.  There were a few native Israelis, but many of the participants were immigrants; from the former Soviet Union, France, Argentina and the US.

Here we were, a group of people who had grown up speaking a grab-bag of languages, yet we were magically communicating (albeit, rudely).  All I could do was smile.

When the guy directly across from me noticed my grin he gave me that classic Israeli hand gesture where you extend your thumb,index and middle finger and turn your hand palm-up, and asked ?מה יש לך (what's wrong with you?).

I just shook my head and continued smiling as the argument swirled around me. 

How to explain to an Israeli how magical it is to an American (we, who travel the globe screaming in English thinking that will help make ourselves understood), to be able to sit and converse effortlessly in a common language with people from all over the world.

 

[When I started this blog back in 2003, I was fresh off the boat and was constantly getting hit on the head by things that only a new immigrant would see.  That era was rich in blog-fodder which (hopefully) helped smooth the way for others who came after me.  But over the past few years I have become mostly blind to that 'je ne sais quoi' known as 'the immigrant experience'.  Maybe it means I'm acclimating.  Maybe it means I've grown a slightly thicker skin.  Whatever the reason, I have become less attuned to the charming (and not-so-charming), things that only an outsider would notice.  I guess that's why the topic of today's post caught me so much by surprise... and I just had to share.]