Just, eewwwww!

Yesterday evening was a quiet one at home.  Zahava and Ariella went to see the Ballet for the evening, and Gilad was out late at Taekwondo practice... so Yonah and I were left to man the fort.

I don't often get home in time to spend a lot of time with Yonah, and it is a rare thing for it to be just the two of us at home... so we really pulled out all the stops.  We read several of his favorite books... did a puzzle... watched a little TV... and shared a little post-dinner dessert together.

Even then, Yonah didn't really want to call it a day.  But with a little cajoling I was able to get him headed upstairs for his evening ablutions. 

That's when the 'fun' began.

Yonah's bedtime ritual is basically comprised of the following 10-step program:

1. Get into pajamas

2. Lay out the next day's clothes

3. Go to the bathroom (in both senses of the phrase)

4. Wash face and hands (or a full tubby if he is particularly filthy)

5. Brush teeth

6. Final drink of water (hah!)

7. Say Sh'ma (bedtime prayer) in bed

8. Kisses goodnight

9. Light's out

10. 30 - 40 minutes of Yonah singing to himself (on a good night) or coming repeatedly downstairs to ask for extra drinks or more food (on a bad night).

Last night we got to step 5 when Yonah began insisting that he wanted to put the toothpaste on the toothbrush himself.  I always resist this request because he makes the overly-generous amount used in the toothpaste commercials seem downright miserly.  He basically squeezes until physically restrained.

About 50% of the time he will relent and let me apply the toothpaste.  But last night he decided that a tug-o-war was in the offing.  We each grabbed for the toothbrush, but I wasn't in the mood for a pitched battle... so I let go after only a token show of resistance.

Apparently he wasn't expecting me to give in so quickly, because the moment I let go, the toothbrush flipped out of his hand and landed with a splash in the toilet.

Now, Zahava can vouch for the fact that I'm a tiny bit of a germaphobe.  I don't like sharing utensils at meals, and I generally don't subscribe to the 'five second rule'.  If it's down, it's out!  But to be honest, if the toothbrush had 'only' fallen on the floor (even in the kid's bathroom which is a cesspool on a good day), I probably would have given it a good wash (with alcohol) and let him use it.

However, even a clean toilet is out of bounds in my book... and the kid's toilet (which is a superfund site as far as I'm concerned), is an automatic game ender.  Anything that goes in there that can't be flushed requires a 'Haz-Mat' suit and a CDC-approved decontamination station to retrieve.

I gently told Yonah to say bye-bye to his toothbrush and that I'd give him another one... but he immediately began wailing that he liked the one that was in the toilet. 

I asked him if he really wanted to put something in his mouth that had been in the place where his 'kaki' goes, and fully expected this to sway him.  Instead, he responded by telling me that whenever his toothbrush fell in the toilet, he simply washed it off.

As I considered this amazing statement, a few troubling thoughts crossed my mind:

1. The word 'whenever' suggests that this happens on a fairly regular basis [~gag~]

2. Yonah never brushes his teeth alone, so either Ariella or Gilad have apparently sanctioned this horrifying behavior

3. Yonah apparently lacks the common sense that even Lulu has developed regarding personal hygiene

4. I think all three kids are going to require a paternity test because there is no way they are my biological offspring.

Anyway, getting back to our story... I reached for a new toothbrush, but Yonah was in such a state of protest over his old one (still sitting on the bottom of the toilet bowl) that I gave up and told him we were skipping teeth-brushing... off to bed!

When I went up to wake the kids up this morning I was horrified to see Yonah's old toothbrush had been fished out of the toilet and was back in it's place by the sink.  I couldn't even bring myself to touch it in order to throw it in the trash.

Note to self:  Bring rubber gloves upstairs this evening for toothbrush disposal duty before Yonah's bed-time.