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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Bad Sounds

As some of you may remember, I have been sick in bed since this past weekend.  Bad sick.  Man sick, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I had pretty much resigned myself to going back to work this morning (important meeting and other fun things), but when my alarm went off I still felt like death warmed over.  I figured if I could just get another 30 or 40 minutes of shut-eye I might be able to pull it together enough to get dressed... but right that minute?  Not a chance.

So even though I'm normally the one to get the coffee going, wake up the kids and lay out breakfast for everyone, I begged Zahava to please stand in for me.  She wasn't in much better shape, but I guess I sounded pitiful enough because she got up without too much of an argument and let me drift back to sleep.

The next thing I was aware of was the sound of Zahava scolding our daughter about running late.  I wasn't fully awake but I snuggled deeper under the comforter to keep their argument from penetrating the layers of fog. 

Then I heard Yonah's voice enter the mix.  He seemed in good spirits but because his batteries were fully recharged, he was jabbering on about clothes and breakfast and getting something to drink and the fact that he'd gone to the bathroom and on and on and on.... 

After a few minutes of this I heard Gilad enter the line of fire saying that he wasn't feeling very well... but before he could get further than that I heard Zahava start yelling at Yonah to get off the dog bed and into his chair for breakfast! 

Ariella, never one to take the hint and simply lay low, re-entered the soundscape with an over-emotional teenaged plea for something or other or she was going to miss her ride to school... and Gilad continued his fruitless efforts to apprise every one of the fact that he really wasn't feeling well.

One floor below the fray, I pulled the covers the rest of the way over my head and tried to use all my mental energy to will Zahava not to realize that I could easily be called in to assist.  All I wanted to do at that point was go back to sleep and not open my eyes until mid-afternoon... meeting be damned.

Then I heard Gilad suddenly make an inarticulate gagging sound, followed by a wet splashing noise of something unspeakable hitting the floor.  This was closely followed by the sound of Zahava screaming as if she was auditioning for the shower scene in 'Pyscho' (remember, Zahava doesn't do vomit).

I was about to pull the pillow over my head so I could pretend none of this was happening when I heard both dogs go dashing up the stairs to see what all the commotion was about, and I decided that if I didn't intervene, the sight of Lulu and Jordan happily lapping up vomit might actually make Zahava's head explode!

It was right about then that I decided that going to work might be a good idea after all.

Posted by David Bogner on January 28, 2009 | Permalink


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What great visuals I had throughout this post!
Before heading to work, I hope that you at least cleaned up the vomit!
How's Gilad? Poor guy. I'm sure Yonah talked through the whole episode, as did Ari! :)

You all feel better, y'heah!

Posted by: Val Bogner | Jan 28, 2009 6:38:26 PM

Y Pscho ? (No it's not Spanish, nor is it English)

Posted by: Skaj | Jan 28, 2009 7:42:37 PM

I'm gagging. I hope you all get well soon.

Posted by: Mata Hari | Jan 28, 2009 8:27:28 PM

Refuah shleimah!

Uhh... the visuals... after the post, I don't think I'll "do" vomit either... :{

Posted by: Irina | Jan 28, 2009 9:21:32 PM

Refua Sheleima to all. Nice visuals, but was a little much for me.

Posted by: SaraK | Jan 28, 2009 9:52:10 PM


Posted by: weese | Jan 28, 2009 10:18:08 PM

Interesting division of labor you've got over there. Refua shelaima to the whole gang.

Posted by: rutimizrachi | Jan 28, 2009 10:28:55 PM

If it was Friday, I would be looking for a photo. Sorry you are at work. Happy you escaped.

Posted by: Alan T. | Jan 28, 2009 10:43:29 PM

Years ago, when I was an EMT, I didn't "do" vomit either. I could handle any amount of blood and guts, but I could not deal with vomit. Especially the projectile kind. One of my crew was a mother with 3 young children who graciously volunteered to handle the spewers.

I have never forgotten that selfless act.

Feel better soon!

Posted by: Alissa | Jan 28, 2009 10:53:58 PM

If it was Friday, I would be looking for a photo. Sorry you are at work. Happy you escaped.
I'll make sure to send you pics of your own kids vomit next time I am home with them.

Posted by: Chedva | Jan 28, 2009 11:03:58 PM

I might be the only one really happy to read this. So glad to hear that Jordan is still around and well enough to lap up vomit--I haven't heard about her for so long I was worried. :)

Oh, and refua shleima etc.

Posted by: uberimma | Jan 28, 2009 11:14:17 PM

I'm telling you, I go to work to relax a bit. I could do every bodily excretion except for vomit. My kids are the same. When they were younger when one of them would vomit, the others would vomit, too (not because they were sick, but because of the sight and smell). Now they're smart enought to leave the scene of the crime.

I've totally grossed myself out with this comment.

Hope its all cleaned up and you're feeling better.

Posted by: Baila | Jan 28, 2009 11:42:04 PM

It takes a VERY TALENTED writer to make vomit funny!
Great post!
I will kindly refrain from sharing my own children's vomit stories (especially the corned beef and fruit punch one....oops, sorry.....)

Posted by: G6 | Jan 29, 2009 4:18:40 AM

she is gonna read this...then you are going to be in so much trouble...

popcorn vomit is the worst, in my opinion. And little kids that do not make it to the potty.

Posted by: joyce | Jan 29, 2009 4:33:08 AM

Will somebody please close that italics tag? Thanx.

Posted by: Karl Newman | Jan 29, 2009 10:16:13 AM


Posted by: Karl Newman | Jan 29, 2009 10:17:39 AM

Hmmmm.... Let's see.... You thought that the sight of Jordan and Lulu licking up the vomit might make my head explode?! Did you even stop to considering what reading this post might..... OY! [POP!].....


@ Alan T. & Chedva: your comment(s)/exchange further clarifies why we all get along so famously! :-)

Posted by: zahava | Jan 29, 2009 1:55:24 PM

You paint quite a picture!

Posted by: dys | Jan 29, 2009 4:44:21 PM


This is for you and all the other mothers here. My hat is off to all of you. :)

Posted by: Karl Newman | Jan 31, 2009 11:51:46 PM

I don't "do" vomit either - which is a bit of a liability in my line of work. I've had patients laugh at me when they see my reaction to vomit! Its like finding out that your accountant doesn't balance his checkbook.

Posted by: noa | Feb 1, 2009 3:32:40 PM

"It was right about then that I decided that going to work might be a good idea after all." -- ROTFL!!

Posted by: Rivka with a capital A | Feb 3, 2009 1:32:39 AM

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