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Monday, March 24, 2008

You'd think he'd remember!

There's an old theater joke that goes like this:

An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day.

"I got you a job. It's a one-liner."

"That's okay!" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything. What's the line?"

"Hark, I hear the cannons roar," says the agent.

"I love it!" says the actor. "When's the audition?"

"Wednesday," says the agent.

Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar!"

"Brilliant!" says the director, "you've got the job! The first show is at 9 o'clock, Saturday night."

The actor is so excited that he goes on a major bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theater, continually repeating his line, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar! Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" He arrives and is stopped by the bouncer.

"Who the heck are you?"

"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar" says the actor.

"You're Hark, I hear the cannons roar?" says the bouncer. "You're late! Get up to makeup right now!"

So, the actor runs up to makeup.

"Who the heck are you?" asks the makeup girl.

"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" he says.

"You're late! Sit down." So she applies the makeup. "Now, quick, get down to the stage, it's almost time to say your line!"

So he dashes down to the stage.

"Who the heck are you?" asks the stage manager.

"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" he replies.

"Oh, thank God! Just in time! Now get out there, the curtains are about to go up!"

So, the actor runs onto the stage. The curtains rise and he sees that the house is full. Suddenly, there is an almighty bang behind him, and the bewildered actor shouts,

"What the f#%k wasTHAT?!"

For the past month the kids in Yonah's Gan have been doing almost nothing else but learning about Purim.  They've been learning Purim songs... drawing Purim pictures... making Purim masks... dressing up in Purim costumes (a different one every day)... and eating Purim cookies (Hamentashen/ Oznei Haman).  They've been catechized on the various characters found in the Megillah and taught to use the gragger/ra'ashan (noisemaker) whenever the villain Haman's name is mentioned.

So naturally on Purim, at the first mention of Haman's name, when everyone in the crowded synagogue began simultaneously yelling and making noise to blot out the villain's name, a very startled Yonah jumped about two vertical feet off of his seat, burst into tears and promptly burrowed deep into my lap screaming a kiddie version of "What the f#%k wasTHAT?!"

And yes, the exact same thing happened last year too.

Posted by David Bogner on March 24, 2008 | Permalink


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heh, heh...same thing here too! You've never seen two little kids fly up in the air like Yishai and Binny did when that first air horn blew. At least there is a late reading for those adults who spend the early one in the hallway...

Posted by: Debbie | Mar 24, 2008 12:56:56 PM

That was a pretty funny joke. You don't hear too many new ones these days... You might find this article interesting in fact...


Posted by: Benji Lovitt | Mar 24, 2008 2:15:08 PM

Love that joke, Dave. It was one of Grandma Fay's favorites!

Posted by: Val | Mar 24, 2008 3:36:19 PM

That's great! Akiva totally missed the point, and thought it was so fun that everyone was making noise in shul (as opposed to just him) that he started cheering "Yay!Yay!" and raising his hand and marching whenever Haman was mentioned. He also refused to use the gragger, and just went with the wild cheering for the villain.

Posted by: Noa | Mar 24, 2008 4:14:04 PM

I knew the same thing would happen with our 6-year old (it has happened the past few years), so this year I took her to the late/more sedate reading, which had maybe 30 people listening and just a few grogger shakes at Haman's name. She shook along with everyone. Afterwards, she did complain that even that was too loud, but at the time she seemed to enjoy it, and it was much better than the previous years' panics!

Great joke, BTW!

Posted by: Jonathan | Mar 24, 2008 5:04:30 PM

This was the first year that my kids didn't jump out of their skins. On the other hand I was ready to strangle the guy with the air horn. You know, with all the noise I could have gotten away with it. Oy.

Posted by: Jack | Mar 24, 2008 5:43:16 PM

heh, heh...same thing here too! You've never seen two little kids fly up in the air like Yishai and Binny did when that first air horn blew. At least there is a late reading for those adults who spend the early one in the hallway...

Posted by: Debbie | Mar 24, 2008 8:47:15 PM

Last year my kid heard Haman once and then jumped out of his skin for the rest. This year he loved it.

Posted by: JoeSettler | Mar 25, 2008 12:19:43 AM

we learned our lesson with our now 9-yr old daughter. She goes to a reading where it's completely quiet. I took my boys to the "noisy" reading and it was super crowded and VERY loud. Both boys asked if next year they could go with Abba and their sister to the quiet reading. Guess they like noise about as much as I do :-).

Posted by: Annie D | Mar 25, 2008 5:28:19 AM

You do have a way with a story. "Hark I hear the Haman roar!" indeed.

Posted by: Bob | Mar 25, 2008 6:00:24 AM

I nearly spilt my coffee

Posted by: Britac | Mar 25, 2008 1:13:49 PM

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