Short school buses, grade-school cruelty and the language of limitation

I knew even as I was typing the title of yesterday's post that I would get at least one comment demanding an explanation... if not an apology.  I even briefly considered posting a preemptive note to head off people who might take offense, but decided to wait until the inevitable comment arrived.

It took most of the day... but it arrived.  And even though I would have taken it seriously no matter who it had come from, the fact that it was submitted by a regular reader who, it turns out I knew in a previous life, makes the need for a considered reply even more imperative.

For the sake of clarity, here's her comment:

"Hi, we don't really know each other (although our paths crossed a few decades ago at Hebrew U), but I'm a regular reader here...and I have to take exception to the title of your post...which I believe makes reference to the "short bus" used to transport mentally retarded students to school.  I'm sure you can guess where this is going...my son Binny has trisomy21 (down syndrome), and rides the short bus to his public school class (in the afternoon, after his morning at the day school).  Perhaps this is not what you meant, in which case I withdraw my comment, and commend you on your score!  Sorry if I come off sounding like the political correctness police, but as long as people look at my cute, innocent son and see something to mock, it's my job to stand up and say something."

Here's the deal. 

Yes, I intended the 'short school bus' descriptive to indicate some of what the commenter described... but I certainly didn't intend any of deliberately hurtful baggage she assigned to it.   

The idea of a short school bus is instantly understood by all as short-hand for anyone who is limited in some way or who has 'special needs'. To be fair, kids with both physical and mental limitations traditionally rode the short buses, but for the most part any such reference probably refers to the latter. 

In any event, it is pretty much taboo in polite society to use 'short school bus' as an insult directed at someone who might actually have ridden on one.  However, in the context I've used it here - as a deliberate bit of self-deprecating humor designed to announce that I see myself as lagging behind... in need of extra help... not hitting the benchmarks of my peers... in short, limited - I feel strongly that it should not be completely out of bounds. 

I don't accept the implied assumption that invoking the short school bus automatically summons the cruelty of unenlightened elementary and Jr. High School students.  Such young students are, admittedly, unbelievably cruel to anyone who is even a little bit different, not just the 'special' students who had alternative transportation provided.  But yes, special needs kids certainly bore (and continue to bear) a fair amount of rough treatment in this respect. 

But as kids get older there is an evolution - albeit not a complete one - in the sensitivity that they exhibit towards their peers.  Once they reach high school the short school bus still obviously exists, but social taboos have (hopefully) kicked in making it very un-PC to make fun of the special needs students.  But that doesn't mean that the vocabulary of limitation becomes entirely off limits.

Let's take a look at a list of words that have historically been used to describe a person of subnormal intelligence:

• idiot
• imbecile
• cretin
• moron
• half-wit
• retard

I don't think anyone can reasonably argue that any of these are acceptable to use, even in the heat of anger, towards someone who is genuinely limited.  But with the possible exception of 'retard' almost all the others would be considered fair game for tossing out in a heated argument... and certainly would be okay to use when referring to a third party who may or may not be present.

Example: "Can you believe that moron?  If I hadn't interrupted him I'm sure he would have given the vendor our entire client list.  What an idiot!". 

With that in mind, one can make a pretty strong case for using the same vocabulary when talking about oneself.

Example:  "I can't believe what an idiot I was during my date with Zahava last night.  She probably thinks I'm a complete moron... or at least an uncultured cretin."

My point is that we regularly use words when talking about ourselves - especially when admitting mistakes, pointing out embarrassing mis-steps and yes, when owning up to our limitations - that would be considered pejorative and socially unacceptable when talking about others.

Words, like people, evolve.

I can't think of too many words in the English language with more terrifying potential to give offense than 'nigger'.  Yet despite its history of insulting/demeaning usage, and still being fraught with racial baggage, within a very narrow scope of self-description it is considered not only acceptable, but even intimate, friendly and even funny.  Of course, if a white man could still hurl the 'n' bomb at a black man with impunity, the word could never have migrated to the informal salutation it has become within a segment of the African American community.

My point is that just as people and social norms evolve and mature, so do words and their applications. 

While most would still consider it unacceptable to remark that an obtuse or socially inept person was a retard, I think it is fair to say that it wouldn't raise too many eyebrows to laughingly call him/her an idiot... especially if the person was aware of having been 'slow on the uptake' and was in on the joke.

Oh, and although it isn't really cogent to the discussion at hand, I think it is worth mentioning that Zahava and I also have a child who rides a 'short school bus' every day.  And while he loves his bus and gleefully anticipates its arrival each morning, I am sure there will probably come a point in his life where his limitations will mark him for cruel treatment at the hands of his peers.  But I also know that this too will eventually pass and he will make his way in the world.

So while I am sensitive to how some people - especially parents of special needs kids - might be to my choice of yesterday's title, I prefer not to allow certain words to retain their power... not when I posses the ability to de-fang them and point out their innate silliness in a world where - let's face it - we all have limitations of one kind or another.