"Is he calling me a 'battle-axe'?" She asked herself

Yesterday our 12 year-old son, Gilad, went on a class trip. 

Knowing from experience that my kids operate their finances on pretty much the same footing as our government (i.e. at a constant deficit), I took him aside before I left for work and quietly asked him if he had pocket money for the trip.

I already knew his answer would be a big fat 'no' since not two weeks ago I'd personally witnessed him squandering six months worth of saved allowance and babysitting money on a basketball jersey... but I had to ask the question.

As expected he shifted his gaze to a far corner of the room and mumbled that he didn't really have any spare money at the moment.

I remember what it was like taking field trips as a kid.  No matter where we went, there was always an opportunity to stop into some sort of gift shop or souvenir stand.  Somehow my parents always seemed to be able to send me off with just enough money to buy something inconsequential... but little enough so as to minimize the damage in case I used bad judgment (as I inevitably did).

Well, I couldn't very well send my own son off on a field trip with nothing in his pocket, so I slipped him the equivalent of about 5 or 6 bucks and told him to try to resist the temptation to buy something, well, useless. 

We both knew that this last instruction was just for show since 'useless' is pretty much the best description for what one finds in the typical gift shop or souvenir stand.

I can't tell you how many times Gilad has come back from a trip to a truly educational destination such as a science museum or religious/historical site... only to proudly show me the fake snot, magic trick or sharks tooth that he somehow decided would be the most suitable memento of the trip.

Anyway, he thanked me, gave me a kiss, pocketed the money and we went our separate ways... me to work and he to meet his class bus for the trip.

About half way through the day my cell phone rang and I was delghted to see that it was Gilad calling.  He was standing in the inevitable gift shop and wanted my advice about something he wanted to buy.   

I was speechless!  This was truly a momentous occasion.  My boy was growing up and showing signs of maturity!!!

Then he dropped the bomb.  He explained that he wanted to buy a necklace for a girl who he has been spending a lot of time with (she goes to another school and was not on this trip). 

Whoa... not so fast there!  I thought they were just friends!  You know, 12 year olds hanging out and eating the occasional slice of pizza together.  Sure he had brought her back a thoughtful mug full of her favorite colored M&Ms when we came back from our trip to the states... but that was the kind of gift one gives a buddy... not a girlfriend, right?

But a necklace was a gift with romantic overtones that even I couldn't fail to notice.

I delicately asked whether he felt she would like receiving a necklace from him.  The question was intended to suss out whether he had even thought this through that far.  I remember having the mother of all crushes on a beautiful girl when I was about his age, only to find out too late that she barely knew I existed.  I wanted to make sure he had really considered this from her side of the transaction.

He assured me that he was sure she would enjoy getting it... he just wanted to know if I would mind him spending all the money I'd given him on the gift.

I told him to go ahead, but not to buy something too over the top just in case he needed to re-frame it as a friendship gift at the last second. 

When I got home from work Gilad took me aside and proudly showed me the necklace he'd picked out.  It was a slim black silk string with a pretty pendant suspended on it.  The pendant was a very feminine robin-egg blue. 

My first impression was very favorable.  I was proud that a 12 year-old boy could pass up the sharks teeth, magic tricks and even fake snot in order to pick out something so tasteful and feminine for a girl he liked.

But then I looked more closely at the pendant.

I'm kicking myself that I didn't take a photo of it, so you'll just have to live with my description here.  This pretty, robin's egg-blue pendant was actually a small double edged battle axe with a bullet in between the two blades.

I did a quick Google search and here is the basic idea... except instead of the pointed shaft between the two blades, a small bullet forms the center axis:

I just looked at it and was truly torn as to whether I should say something. Anything!

At this point I should probably mention that I was never any great shakes in the gift-picking-out department.  Heck, most guys are clueless.  Girls always seemed to know exactly what to buy for any occasion and recipient... it's almost as if they attended some sort of class in gift selection. 

I think the only suitable gift I ever bought a girl when I was a kid was the one year in 7th grade when the de rigueur gift was either a necklace or bracelet made from white 'pukah shells' (did I just date myself?).

Not wanting to make him feel self-conscious, I asked Gilad what the pendant was.  He looked at it closely and said "I think there's a bullet there in the middle".   So I continued, "And what about on either side of the bullet... what is that?"

He took another long look and said, "I'm pretty sure it's an ax or a hatchet".

Now, I've met the intended recipient of this necklace on a few occasions.  She is a pretty girl with sandy blonde hair who exudes wholesomeness and athleticism.  There was definitely not a hint of goth or heavy metal there anywhere... so I was still confused by his choice of pendant.

He shrugged and simply said, "it's just a neat design... I'm sure she'll like it".

I didn't have the heart to tell him that he had just set out upon a lifetime of giving terribly inappropriate and/or ill-conceived gifts to people of the opposite sex.  Not only that, but that he comes by this particular talent quite honestly since his old man has handed over some gift-wrapped bombs in his time. 

In the silence that stretched between us there in the dining-room I could clearly visualize a series of girl's faces flashing by... each with a more horrified/disappointed look than the previous one, as I handed over one stinking dud after another. 

Zahava has actually done fairly well (or so she says), with only about one gift in three being truly cringe-worthy.

I also decided not to share with Gilad the fact that 'battle-axe' is a fairly derogatory epithet reserved for overbearing mothers-in-law such as those found in 'The Honeymooners' and it's cartoon reincarnation; 'The Flintstones'.  I just prayed that his girlfriend (or however they think of themselves) wouldn't catch the reference.

Oy, When did he become a teenager?  I'm not ready for this!  I think I was happier when the worst thing I could imagine was him coming home from a field trip with more fake snot, a magic trick or a pocket full of sharks teeth!