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Sunday, September 16, 2007

The household pet theory of holiday eating

Aside from their obvious anatomical differences, there is a clear demarcation between the eating habits of cats and dogs:

~ If you lock a typical cat in a room with an unlimited amount of food, it will eat until satisfied and then ignore the food until it is hungry again.

~ If you lock a typical dog in a room with an unlimited amount of food, it will continue eating until it drops dead.

About half way through last week's three day feeding frenzy I realized that I have a shockingly canine relationship with food. 

Simply put, no matter how many times I swear that I will not eat a morsel at the next meal... no matter how I promise myself that I will simply take a small sip of wine and a small mouthful of challah... no matter how many disapproving glares I get from my wife... I will continue eating as long as food continues to be offered, or until I lose consciousness, whichever comes first.

If Judaism had such a thing as patron saints, whichever of our sages decreed that we should have a fast day on the day after Rosh Hashanah would be mine.  As far as I'm concerned, he earned his place in the world to come for this one small act of kindness.

I seriously think that Hannibal Lecter had more impulse control than I do.

Some indigestive thoughts that passed through my head last night as I lay in bed cradling my distended belly:

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing"

"Now this is a Malox moment"

"Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is"

"Pepto- BIZmol!"

It's now 5:45 AM and I still feel as though I just got up from the table.  Oy!

Posted by David Bogner on September 16, 2007 | Permalink

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Duh!!! David, you and I are of the same ilk. We are DOG people....(but I'm afraid my dog Ozzy has more self control than I do!)

Posted by: Baila | Sep 16, 2007 12:17:31 PM

Usually (as an evangelical Christian) I heartily encourage folks to convert to Christianity, but to you I counsel, "Whatever you do, do not become a member of the church I attend." We don't commemorate any days of fasting, and I noticed that of all the church activities in the bulletin this past week, all but two involved food. So hang in there, Yom Kippur is right around the corner.

Posted by: Bob | Sep 16, 2007 3:48:23 PM

It's now 5:45 AM and I still feel as though I just got up from the table.

That is why you shouldn't go to sleep at the table. ;)

I feel your pain brother. Too much good food makes for one heck of a challenge.

I have a similar challenge. My solution to this problem was to dramatically increase the amount of exercise I get.

Thus far it is working pretty well.

Posted by: Jack | Sep 16, 2007 6:05:45 PM

Look at the bright side. Those of us still in galus have another two three-day feast-fests ahead of us, with no fast-days to follow. Praise the Lord and pass the Alka-Seltzer...

Posted by: psachya | Sep 16, 2007 6:22:06 PM

I know from all of the experiences of my patients how hard it is to stop eating, even when you're full. I also know that, like most temptations, the delight of the act is never as great as the remorse that follows, but even knowing this we do it again anyways. I have no advice, just empathy.

Well, maybe a little advice if you haven't already tried it: Weight Watchers.

Posted by: Doctor Bean | Sep 16, 2007 10:21:30 PM

I was going to say what Psachya said...We lucky (not!) Jews outside of Israel have to do this 3-day thing again 2 more times in the next 2 weeks. I knew I should have made aliyah this summer ;)
Gmar Chatima Tova, Treppenwitz family!

Posted by: Sara K | Sep 17, 2007 1:11:44 AM

Sorry I haven't been around much, but goodness do I sympathize! My husband is precisely the same way and I'm constantly telling him to eat until satisfied, NOT FULL. I used to be that way myself, but now with a little one on the way, I can barely eat enough to not be exhausted, which is a strange turn of events for me!

Posted by: mercurial scribe | Sep 17, 2007 1:46:14 AM

Oy...do I feel your pain. I'd be happy if we had to fast all week.

Posted by: orieyenta | Sep 17, 2007 3:26:54 AM

just a side note.. my cat, the infamous Norwegian Forest Cat, Sabeltann, is also frighteningly canine... he will never stop eating. I thought it would be so easy to have a cat... yeah, right.

I feel your pain, I too have difficulties listening to the part of my body that should be telling me I'm getting full! ;-)

Posted by: nrg | Sep 17, 2007 11:44:25 AM

The trick is to work in a very light meal into the holiday menu. One meal we had fish and couscous. That's it. No temptation to overindulge because it is not on the table in the first place.

Posted by: westbankmama | Sep 17, 2007 5:08:37 PM

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