An inherited case of ' the wants'

Our kids seem to have inherited certain traits from each of their parents... for good and for bad.  For example, Ariella's gotten a healthy dose of her mother's artistic talent... and Gili seems to have inherited a whopping case of 'the wants' from his dad.

What's that?  You aren't familiar with the term 'the wants'?

Here's the deal... I'm a hopeless impulse buyer.  It doesn't happen very often, but occasionally I will see a sleek new toy... a sexy new Mac laptop... a piece of camping/outdoors equipment... or a mobile phone with more features than an astronaut would ever need... and suddenly I want it RIGHT THAT VERY SECOND!  It's like a fever comes over me and I am incapable of thinking about anything else until it passes.

Luckily, Zahava and I have hammered out an understanding (she knows me too well) whereby if either of us wants to make a purchase involving a price tag above 'a certain amount', it must be discussed with (and approved by)the other spouse. 

This is actually a very sensible system since my 'want' spells don't usually last very long, and the 'cooling off' period required for me to reach home and talk over a potential purchase with Zahava is usually long enough for me to realize that I can easily live without whatever had me in a desperate lather of consumer lust a few hours earlier. 

The list of truly foolish stuff I have never gotten around to asking her permission to buy is embarrassingly long.

Gilad's spells of 'the wants', however, seems to have a bit more staying power than his old man's.  Once a shiny gewgaw gets under Gilad's skin he will mount a relentless one-man harassment campaign until he gets it... or until I kill him, whichever comes first.

The latest object of Gilad's desire was my fancy-shmancy Gary Fisher mountain bike.  If you aren't a bike enthusiast, just take my word for the level of envy that really high-end Gary Fisher bikes arouse in the two-wheeled crowd. 

When I bought my bike (many years ago) it was the latest word in off-road, man-powered locomotion.  It had all the bells & whistles you could ask for... Rock Shocks, edgy geometry, a bazillion gears, silky-smooth derailleurs... and it had a matte purple and cannary yellow paint job that you couldn't look away from.

Today there are endless new space-age components available for mountain bikes, but my old Gary Fisher still turns heads (even if the old rider doesn't).

Anyhoo, about eight months ago Gilad got a serious case of 'the wants' for my bike, and from that point on he mounted an unrelenting campaign to try and woo it out from under me (not that it's actually under me all that much anymore).

His first attempt was a full frontal attack... a hopeless non-starter that went down in flames before he'd even gotten his argument off the ground.  First of all, he had a perfectly good mountain bike I'd bought for him not long before.  Second of all, he didn't have a track record of taking particularly good care of his stuff.  Lastly... well, dammit, just keep your mitts of my bike!

However, after several months of plotting a more subtle approach, Gilad sprang the trap... and it was so slick that I didn't realize I'd been bamboozled until hours after the fact.

It went something like this:

The Wind-up:  "Hey abba, have you noticed that Ariella has pretty much outgrown her bike?" 

[I should have known something was up right there since Ari and Gili are not particular protective of each-other's interests... except on the rare occasions when those interests overlap.]

The Pitch: "Look, I know that bikes are really expensive, so instead of buying Ari a new one, why don't you sell just her old one to someone... I'll give her mine, since it's much better than her old one... and I'll just, y'know, use yours for the time being." 

The Close:  "This way Ari will end up with a much better bike... and instead of you having to buy her a new one (which costs money) you'll actually make money on whatever you get from selling her old bike!"

I must have been distracted by a fly in the room or something while all this was going on, because it wasn't until hours later when I was getting ready to go to sleep that I realized that he'd deliberately left out a crucial factor:  Zahava's bike (a very high-end 'Specialized' mountain/road hybrid which is seldom used) had not been taken into account, and would have been a perfectly acceptable bike for Ariella to move up to.

Gilad had so dazzled me with the concept of not having to plunk down cash for a new bike for Ariella (and perhaps maybe making a couple of bucks in the deal!) that I didn't feel the sting of him stealing my precious Gary Fisher!

But the damage was done.  I'd already agreed to let Gilad have my bike, and Ariella was already gushing about the prospect of upgrading to Gili's old one.  Zahava was none the worse in the deal since she was keeping her bike... which pretty much left me as the only chump who was ending up with bupkas!

As gently as I could I broached the topic of a new bike for myself with Zahava... but in truth my heart wasn't in it.  We both knew that anything likely to give me a case of 'the wants' as bad as when I'd first set eyes on my Gary Fisher would mean spending mucho dinero. 

A slog through the bike shops near my office at lunch time confirmed my suspicions... that while there was much to covet in the latest mountain bikes, the sticker shock was enough to throw cold water over the first tingling of 'the wants'.

As I was walking out of the last bike shop (a Trek/Gary Fisher dealership) to return to my office, the shop owner (who had introduced me to the various bikes on the showroom floor in a manner reminiscent of a proud father introducing his children) tossed an innocent question after me:

"It seems to me that you have your heart set on a high-end bike but your budget is holding you back.  Can I show you one of our used bikes?"

I spun around as if he had me on a string.

It hadn't occurred to me that a fancy-shmancy high-end bike dealership would have 'pre-owned' models for sale.  It turned out that he had a very respectable selection of well-cared-for bikes with names (and more importantly, bells & whistles) I could propely lust after. 

As I stood there perusing the possibilities and noting with glee the bargain prices, a burning case of 'the wants' welled up in my chest.  There, in the center of the rack, sat a beautiful used Trek... with Rock Shocks, edgy geometry, a bazillion gears, silky-smooth derailleurs, and a flashy canary yellow and silver paint job that I couldn't look away from. 

Admittedly, the ending of this story isn't exactly worthy of O'Henry... but it's a happy ending none-the-less: 

• Ariella upgraded her ride and is quite pleased with the results
• Zahava held onto her very respectable bike
• Gilad obtained the object of his 'wants' (and did so without my having to kill him).
• And after being bamboozled out of a bike that had been used far too infrequently, I was provided with an unexpected new object of 'the wants' that might actually get my aging carcass out of the house a few times this season.

It's all good.