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Thursday, April 26, 2007

The outing of my inner monologue

Comedienne Lily Tomlin had a great line in her one-woman Broadway show a few years ago (I'm paraphrasing from memory):

"I wish I could pair up all the crazy people who wander around New York City talking to themselves so at least they'd look like they were having sane conversations."

I have been vaguely aware for some time that my inner monologue has been bubbling closer and closer to the surface.  Perhaps it's the process of keeping this on-line journal that has channeled my inner monologue up towards the light.  Or maybe it's just the immediacy of the news content I follow and how it seems to have a more direct effect on my life than it used to. 

Whatever the reason, the net result is a nearly non-stop stream of insane audible outbursts as I read or listen to the news.  Here are a few examples from a few minutes ago as I scanned the on-line news headlines before getting out of bed:

HeadlineUniversity students take to streets in Tel Aviv

Outburst: Oy, someone should clue these kids in to current U.S. University tuition levels... A little perspective is all I'm saying.

Headline: Olmert hopes Iran issue can be resolved peacefully

Outburst:  Yeah, and when I was five I hoped for a pony.

HeadlineMolotov cocktail hurled at car near Bethlehem

Outburst:  Nah nah nah! Missed me again! [tfu, tfu, tfu]

HeadlineBishara: I won't be treated like common criminal

Outburst:  No sh*t Sherlock... you're gonna to be treated like a very special criminal.

HeadlineNASA launches satellite to study strange clouds

Outburst:  Ooooh, that one over there looks like a pretty unicorn! [ka-CHING!]

HeadlineCheckpoints between Jordan Valley, Nablus opened

Outburst:  Hmmm, I wonder how long until the inevitable next terrorist attack?

Headline: Police say they'll arrest Bishara upon his return

Outburst:  Uh huh... and I'm gonna wear my hair long when it all grows back.

HeadlineHamas denies it attempted to kidnap soldiers

Outburst:  I'm shocked... shocked to find that gambling kidnapping is going on here!

HeadlinePRC says it will keep firing rockets at Israel

OutburstPshaw!... I'm sure they don't really mean it.

Headline: Kassam fired from northern Gaza

Outburst:  Well, that didn't take long.

You get the idea.  It's gotten to the point where I don't really notice that I'm doing this... and I've even stopped caring if there are other people around to hear me carrying on like a lunatic.

Maybe Lily Tomlin was right... I need to be paired off with someone with similar self-control issues so at least we'd appear to the outside world to be having a sane conversation.

216

Posted by David Bogner on April 26, 2007 | Permalink

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Just remember...just because you are paranoid, doesn't mean people aren't out to get you.

Posted by: dfb1968 | Apr 26, 2007 1:12:12 PM

I find the "real" news rather scary and depressing these days, so I visit far fewer news sites than I once did.

On the other hand, the satirical sites let me know the same information, but at least leave me with a smile on my face.

Every day I watch Jon Stewart's Daily Show:

http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/index.jhtml

And here I can catch all the late night monologues:

http://www.newsmax.com/entertainment/late_night_jokes.shtml

And while The Onion deviates more from the truth, I think today's top story seems appropriate:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/middle_east_conflict_intensifies

Posted by: Dave (Balashon) | Apr 26, 2007 1:54:07 PM

That was about the most enjoyable post I've read anywhere all week, and what particularly pleased me (aside from anyone doing a spin on Captain Renault's fabulous Casablanca character....it's one of the greatest lines in movies, ever) was hearing you say "...and I'm gonna wear my hair long when it all grows back," because the sign, I think, of a real man, is when he develops male pattern b*ldness (in case you're sensitive), and isn't in denial over it.

Come to think of it, you don't seem to be in denial over much of anything, which is why you are such a sheyneh Yid. Meshugeneh, or not.

Posted by: Erica | Apr 26, 2007 2:33:05 PM

sure it's not just age? that as you get older you losing control of your inner monologue like i Austin Powers?

Posted by: Ed | Apr 26, 2007 3:11:00 PM

C'mon, Bogner. Get with the times. Just stick that little Blackberry thingee in your ear. Everyone thinks you're on the phone; and, when life slips into one of the boring moments, you can practice your true, secret identity: bodyguard for La Glick. I am sure that The Goddess would give you a pass on this, IF you give any spare rooms she may desire over to her.

Posted by: rutimizrachi | Apr 26, 2007 3:33:11 PM

News, what news? (Tell me when you start shaving just the one armpit...)

Posted by: jennifer | Apr 26, 2007 4:35:48 PM

My husband does the same thing as he surfs news on the web. Maybe if you two were talking together you'd both look sane. :D By the way, I sent you two emails, did you receive them?

Posted by: Tracey | Apr 26, 2007 7:11:57 PM

Dave, It's ok to talk to yourself. When you answer yourself, then you've got real problems.....

Posted by: Jewish Blogmeister | Apr 26, 2007 7:41:17 PM

Sign me up as a partner :)

It's always fun to comment on the latest news.

At the very least, please don't stop sharing your comments with us...the news just won't be the same without your commentary :-P

Posted by: tnspr569 | Apr 27, 2007 1:24:52 AM

One of the great lines in Casablanca is when Rick says that he came there for the water.

Posted by: Jack | Apr 27, 2007 9:33:29 AM

I feel you Trep, you are not alone. :-)

Posted by: Rami | Apr 27, 2007 10:40:31 AM

This article is for you:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/25/magazine/25voices.t.html?ex=1332475200&en=25dcd28557b0a06b&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Posted by: JoeSettler | Apr 27, 2007 6:08:53 PM

LOL! By the way, not to worry - given the content of the news, your response was quite sane.

Posted by: psachya | Apr 27, 2007 6:37:03 PM

I wish my inner monologue was half as witty.

Posted by: Imshin | Apr 29, 2007 9:34:45 AM

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