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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The great disappearing act

Sorry to have fallen off the planet for the past day or so.  Thank you to those who emailed and IM'ed me to find out if everything was OK.    However, I should remind you that I don't post every day. 

OK, I am pretty regular in my posting and responding to comments so I can sort of understand the concern.

I actually wrote a post for yesterday and it was scheduled to automatically publish at lunch time (according to the Israeli clock), but either I screwed up something or TypePad decided to be stubborn... because when I got home last night, the post's status was still listed as 'Draft'.

Oh well.

So where was I yesterday?  Since he has ripped-off reposted a couple of my things in the past, I have no problem shamelessly reposting the following 'away message' that was up on Joe Settler's site yesterday (he ganked it from the movie 'Stripes'):

I'll be out of the office for the next few days...

General Barnicke: Where have you been soldier?
John Winger (Bill Murray): Training, sir.
Soldiers: Training, sir.

General Barnicke: What kind of training?
John Winger: Aaaaaarmy training, sir.
Soldiers: Aaaaaarmy training, sir.

General Barnicke: Are you telling me that you men finished your training on your own?
John Winger: That's a fact, Jack.
Soldiers: That's a fact, Jack.


Joe Settler (not his real name) and I live in the same region.  However, the only time we seem to run into each other is at anti-terror squad (kitat konenut) training sessions.

Yesterday we were at the local army base rediscovering long-forgotten muscles  (OK, He's a lot younger than I am and Probably in much better shape), running around wearing heavy body armor and shooting copious amounts of ammunition at cardboard, people-shaped targets.

Granted it's not a day at the beach... but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't an element of fun to the process.  I mean, hey... it's better than a day at the office.  :-)  But tempering the fun is the constant underlying knowledge that the object of this training is that our towns are inviting targets for terrorists and need a small force to defend against an attack until the army can arrive and take over.

This morning I have a few things to show for all that 'fun':

1.  Thighs that actually shake when I try to put all my weight on them.

2.  A lower back that feels as though I tried to lift the house off a dead witch.

3.  A sunburn on the back of my neck that makes me feel like an extra in one of those films where pasty-skinned Europeans suddenly find themselves shipwrecked on some tropical island or stranded in the middle of the Sahara Desert after a plane crash.  And yes, I used sunscreen (it sweated off in nano-seconds).

4.  A spectacular bruise exactly halfway between my sternum and my right shoulder that perfectly matches the outline of the butt-stock on my M-16.

5.  A hamper full of dirt-spattered clothes that smell of sweat, cordite and gunpowder (yuck).

I'm going to pick up my parents at the airport today (their arrival was delayed by a couple of weeks for reasons that will be made clear in the next day or two)... so I must try to remember the following:

1.  Don't limp or stagger when I greet my mom.  She may be a modern, educated woman with a lifetime of corporate experience... but under all that modern veneer there beats the heart of a typical mama bear/Jewish Mother.  I really don't need her calling up and yelling at my commander for hurting her baby.

2.  Empty pockets of all extra ammunition before going to the airport.  The Israelis certainly aren't as touchy as the Indians about such things... but I'd prefer not to set off any bells.  Oh... while I'm at it... note to self:  Don't forget to stop at the police station at the airport and check the Glock before going into the arrivals terminal.  :-)

Have a nice day, all!


Posted by David Bogner on November 15, 2006 | Permalink


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"1. Thighs that actually shake when I try to put all my weight on them."

I played a very active game of laser tag once, a few years ago. I'm sure the amount of strenuous activity was nothing compared to what you went through in your training, but the thing I remember most about it is that for the next 3 days, I practically had to crawl up any stairways. I went to a friend's wedding with my fiancee, (now wife) and of course the hall was up this long flight of stairs. Sure felt macho having my fiancee help me up the stairs. Ugh.

Posted by: Nighthawk700 | Nov 15, 2006 12:55:25 PM

Sounds awesome! Enjoy the family time!

Posted by: tnspr569 | Nov 15, 2006 2:21:33 PM

There are very few places left in the world where "empty your pockets of extra ammo" before going to the airport isn't good advice.
My friend who works for Boeing military carries a note from the defense department in his pocket because he sets off all kinds of chemical detectors every time he flies on business. Explosive residue, wouldn't you know...

Posted by: Jersey Boy | Nov 15, 2006 3:47:55 PM

Oh, and make sure the earplugs are out. I made that mistake once!

Posted by: Yaron | Nov 15, 2006 3:50:58 PM

You make growing older sound like so much fun.

Posted by: Jack | Nov 15, 2006 7:54:23 PM

You've got such a fine sense of humour. Please write a book one day. Just my opinion.

Posted by: Chris | Nov 15, 2006 8:04:25 PM

I think some pics from the training would make a nice Photo Friday... of YOU doing things, not of others!

Chris... encouragment is NOT what my brother needs!

Posted by: val | Nov 15, 2006 8:15:06 PM

ohh i know how you feel. i recently started working out with a personal trainer in hopes that the chronic back pain will go away for good... currently my back doesnt hurt, but the rest of me is protesting.

im curious why it was delayed.

ill be in israel in a month, maybe this time we can meet... though i know i havent been a good commenter recently

Posted by: SF Lisa | Nov 15, 2006 9:18:18 PM


Enjoy your parents' visit!

Posted by: Essie | Nov 16, 2006 2:39:31 AM

LOL! I can just imagine your mother calling up the commander... that would make for such a great post! : )

By the way, what's a Glock?

Posted by: Irina | Nov 16, 2006 5:06:41 AM

even the israeli army knows not to mess with a jewish mother...enjoy your visit

Posted by: marallyn | Nov 16, 2006 7:12:31 AM

Yesterday (you weren't there!) I was the terrorist and killed every member of your town's kitat konninut (not mention everyone from my town's too. I went postal on automatic after I ran out of good guys to shoot).

It was great fun, but cleaning the gun after shooting hundreds of blanks is awful.

Posted by: JoeSettler | Nov 16, 2006 10:31:23 AM

@val: There are people with less humour than your brother has and they sell millions of books. That's all. Funny guestbook, really. If I say something stupid, nobody contradicts, if I say something that makes sense, I get negative answers.

Posted by: Chris | Nov 16, 2006 10:55:25 PM

Perhaps Livni could suggest a chiropractor? :P

Posted by: mcaryeh | Nov 28, 2006 6:34:21 AM

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