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Monday, November 13, 2006

It's called chiropractic... look into it!

Memo to Tzippi Livni:

I know I was probably way out of line when I mentioned a while back that you bore a striking resemblance to a certain American real estate mogul.

Livnitrump

To your credit, you are considered (quite correctly) one of the most powerful women in the world.  And miraculously for a woman in a position of power, I have never once heard anyone use the 'B' word to describe you or your management style. 

With the exception of juvenile missives such as this, the people who don't share your views have, by and large, limited their criticism to your politics. 

In fact, I think the most personal insult I have ever heard directed at you was when a fellow blogger (who had first hand dealings with you during your Likud days) remarked that your "utter lack of charm, grace and charisma is occasionally mistaken for intelligence"'...  a criticism that, while unkind, is not necessarily gender-dependent.

The reason I'm writing to you today is not to make another cheap personal attack, but rather to implore that you seek immediate medical attention.

You see Tzippi (may I call you Tzippi?), every picture I see of you in the press these days shows you with your head lolling at some grotesque angle as though you've experienced some sort of tragic cervical injury. 

But don't take my word for it:

Livini1

Livni7

You've been giving off subtle signs of neck pain for a while now:

Livinipoin2

Livnipoint

Of course the problem could simply be your atrocious posture.  I mean, stand up straight dear... and don't let your head loll to the side quite so much:

Livni4

Seriously, the other day my wife went so far as to mention that your posture has started to remind her of Vincent D'Onofrio as 'the bug' in MIB... and that's just plain scary:

Vincent_donofrio1

So take this memo in the spirit in which it was intended and go find yourself a good chiropractor, mmkay?

Warmest regards,

David

221_16_5_164

Posted by David Bogner on November 13, 2006 | Permalink

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it's kind of you to be looking out for the health of the people in power who are making the big decisions.

Posted by: Sarah | Nov 13, 2006 11:17:13 AM

Ouch!

Posted by: tnspr569 | Nov 13, 2006 1:31:14 PM

I cracked my neck at least three times while reading this post.

Posted by: harry | Nov 13, 2006 1:35:22 PM

That last photo is spot-on - Zahava should do this for a living! Thanks for the laughs!

Posted by: RaggedyMom | Nov 13, 2006 2:50:14 PM

Knowing all to well that certain head postures mysteriously improve facial stimuli. Imagine what she can get away with?

Posted by: Rami | Nov 13, 2006 3:47:06 PM

It must be a slow news day in the Trep camp, eh?

Posted by: jaime | Nov 13, 2006 3:59:53 PM

(sorry, guess that's my sniffy, snuffling, Cold talking) : )

Posted by: jaime | Nov 13, 2006 4:02:39 PM

my neck hurts just from reading this one!! lol

Posted by: Rafi G | Nov 13, 2006 4:09:22 PM

Thanks for the laugh- I needed that! I just about lost it when I got to that last pic!

Posted by: RR | Nov 13, 2006 4:13:44 PM

ROTFLMAO!

Posted by: Dvarya | Nov 13, 2006 4:46:39 PM

Do you have a chiropractor to recommend?

Posted by: Jewish Blogmeister | Nov 13, 2006 4:50:29 PM

I think you mean "tragic clavicle injury," not "tragic cervical injury."

Posted by: ilan | Nov 13, 2006 5:20:05 PM

Sarah... That's me... I'm a giver. :-)

tnspr569... Indeed.

Harry... Doesn't it make your neck ache looking at these pictures?

RaggedyMom... that's one of the many reasons I love her (my wife... not Tzippi). She shares my sense of humor on most things.

Rami... If that's the case than these positions must me meant to immobilize her features. Sort of a Yogo/Botox combination.

Jaime... We are happy for the slow news days and enjoy them when they come. Feel better.

Rafi G. ... Sorry. I just calls 'em like I sees 'em.

RR... Don't thank me, I'm a giver. :-)

Dvarya Katz... Glad to have amused you so. :-)

Jewish Blogmeister... I used to go to Leslie Dreyfus (his office was on the corner of Ave. J and E12th if memory serves.)

Ilan... Nooooo, I meant what I wrote. You are probably confusing Cervical (meaning of the neck) and Cervix (the lower portion of the uterus). If I had meant the latter I imagine her expression and posture in the photos would be somewhat different.

Posted by: treppenwitz | Nov 13, 2006 5:38:13 PM

Oh my.

Posted by: Jack | Nov 13, 2006 6:28:03 PM


**** Ilan... Nooooo, I meant what I wrote. You are probably confusing Cervical (meaning of the neck) and Cervix (the lower portion of the uterus). If I had meant the latter I imagine her expression and posture in the photos would be somewhat different. ****

ehhhhhh .... Prolly not.

Posted by: Scott | Nov 13, 2006 8:37:55 PM

LOL! The picture with the red eyes is just plain scary! What a hilarious likeness! : D

Posted by: Irina | Nov 13, 2006 9:12:15 PM

Vincent d'Onofrio deserved an Oscar for his portrayal of a Bug encased in a decaying human corpse. You heard it here first!

Sorry to hear that your political leaders have spine problems. Why, here in the good ol' US of A, all of our political... leaders... are...

Um; never mind. I just had a brief vision of Senator Edward Kennedy -- and that was just the tip of the iceberg!

Posted by: wrymouth | Nov 13, 2006 9:15:54 PM

I was laughing hard enough when I saw the Vincent D'Onofrio picture, but then I read Ilian's comment, your clarification and then Scott's resulting comment and I can't stop. I just can't stop! Help!

Posted by: Tracey | Nov 13, 2006 9:50:53 PM

boys boys boys...the poor girl just can't make up her mind...is she leaning towards the left or being pulled back to the right where she belongs...start to worry when her head is back on straight :)))

Posted by: marallyn | Nov 13, 2006 10:54:03 PM

I'm no chiropractor and I don't play one on TV ... but, hey, maybe she has torticollis. Just a wild guess.

Posted by: Yaron | Nov 14, 2006 7:10:22 AM

David,
Sorry to change the topic, but did you ever see Brian DiPalma's creepy film, Carrie? It's about a mousy girl who gets no respect. When she discovers she has special powers, she uses them to wreak havoc upon her old classmates. Stop wasting your time on politicians and spend some time on classic cinema.

Posted by: ben chorin | Nov 14, 2006 11:05:20 PM

Just out of curiosity. Of all the MKs, who would you most prefer to be prime minister? Not that there are such great options or anything...

Posted by: Seth | Nov 15, 2006 2:11:02 AM

Hey, while you're writing memos to members of the Knesset, can you send something to Olmert letting him know that combovers aren't cool. And maybe cc Alon Pinchas on that one, everytime I see him on TV I cringe at the combover.

Posted by: Fern | Nov 15, 2006 9:39:29 AM

Jack... As usual your brevity is surpassed only by your cutting insight. ;-)

Scott... LOL!

Irina... I'd still have to go with the current Knesset Speaker (Dalia Itzik) for for scariest scowl.

wrymouth... The spine problems here are extremely selective. When it comes to self-preservation our politicians are masters of tenacity.

Tracey... That's treppenwitz. If I can't advance the agenda I can always resort to puerile attempts at humor. :-)

marallyn... In all seriousness, I have said it before and I'll say it again. The Likudniks who defected to join Kadima were NOT ideological right wingers. They were opportunists who hooked their wagon to the power of the Likud. When Sharon jumped ship they decided that his coat-tails were the safest place to be.

Yaron... I admit to not knowing what that was... but after googling it I think you may have hit upon a reasonable diagnosis.

ben chorin... I can't tell if you are trying to get me of politics because you feel it is your 'turf'... or if you are saying that Livni is roughly analogous to Carrie. :-)

Seth... I would love to see Natan Sharansky get a shot. He has lived under a dicatatorship, and unlike fellow Russian immigrant MK Lieberman, Sharansky abhors the trappings (and abuse) of power. I don't share all of Sharansky's political views... but he would likely be the most ethical PM in Israeli history... and that is what we need right now.

Fern... Not all follically-challenged men are as comfortable with themselves as I am. :-) I think that on some level, men with comb-overs really believe that they have magically turned back the hands of time with one swoosh of their comb. It is the same willful suspension of common sense that allows middle-aged matrons to stand in front of their bedroom mirrors dressed like their teen-aged daughters (complete with tats and piercings) and think, "Yup... that's the look I was going for!"

Posted by: treppenwitz | Nov 15, 2006 11:03:11 AM

So wonderful to laugh like this...started as soon as I saw the Trump/Livni pics again and went on from there...

Posted by: mcaryeh | Nov 28, 2006 6:30:05 AM

Thanks for your advice. I take this this in good humour.

Posted by: Tzipora Malka Livni | Jun 21, 2007 6:26:16 AM

At last, I've done it, I've convinced BUPA that my BSc, my MSC and my years of hard, dedicated and safe work are enough to let me treat people with BUPA cover. I am now officially BUPA recognised and, so, now a grown up.

Posted by: wendell | Dec 12, 2009 7:30:37 AM

If your neck hurts from reading, I can recommend a good chiropractor.

Posted by: chiropractor Melbourne neck pain | Oct 12, 2011 10:20:25 AM

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