Bridge over troubled waters

The first year of marriage is a period of adjustment.  Two people who have grown accustomed to being beholden to nobody suddenly find themselves sharing bathroom and closet space, not to mention having to check with someone else about what to have for dinner.

It's no small wonder that many marriages founder in the stormy waters of this first year.

When I first met my wife she was a vegetarian of long standing (12 years) who was teetering on the precipice of reintroducing a little meat into her diet.  I, on the other hand, considered the sprig of parsley that arrived as a garnish on a steak to be a 'side salad'.

During that first year our eating habits slowly gravitated towards a shaky middle ground.  I acknowledged the existence of vegetables other than the boiled carrot from the pot of Shabbat chicken soup... and Zahava's occasional nibbling at meat allowed her blood iron level to creep into non-anemic territory for the first time in over a decade.

Then towards the end of our first year of marriage we experienced a marital crisis while driving across the Verrazano Narrows Bridge that threatened to toss our fledgling union onto the rocks below.

I need to stop at this point and provide a little background information for the uninitiated.

The 9th day of the Hebrew month of Av (called Tisha B'Av) is a date on which all manner of horrible things have befallen the Jews throughout history.  The destruction of both Temples in Jerusalem were only two of the terrible fates that befell us on this date. 

Tisha B'Av is observed with a full day of fasting and refraining from all personal pleasures such as marital relations, and even the wearing jewelry and leather. If you see your Jewish friends wearing tennis shoes with business attire in August... this is probably the explanation.

Anyway, the nine days leading up to this tragic anniversary are universally referred to as (surprise, surprise) 'the nine days'.  During 'the nine days', observant Jews refrain from listening to music, avoid public celebrations and abstain from drinking wine or eating meat.  The only exception to this last rule is on the Shabbat that falls during 'the nine days', when meat is permitted.

Back to our story...

During the first year of marriage it is quite common for a couple to be invited out to other people's homes for shabbat meals... or even for the entire Shabbat if the friends doing the inviting don't live within walking distance.  Zahava and I enjoyed many such invitations and were blessed to have friends who were accomplished hosts and chefs.

So, towards the end of our first year of marriage we received an invitation to stay with friends of Zahava's who lived in Staten Island for the Shabbat that fell during 'the nine days'.  I didn't know them, but since this first year was also supposed to also be a period of getting to meet one another's extended circle of friends, this wasn't really surprising.

Anyhoo, after having gone almost a full week without meat of any kind,  we were in the car on the way to visit these friends and the very idea of a nice plate of shabbat chicken or maybe even moist slice from a roast of beef was making me weak with anticipation. 

You have to understand... 'the nine days' is a difficult period for me.  I don't just enjoy meat.  My food pyramid is the opposite of what you learned in Jr. High School health-ed class: 

The Treppenwitz Food Pyramid

The broad base of my food pyramid consists of protein and fat (meat & poultry)... the middle is more protein and fat (cheeses, fish, eggs, etc.)... and the top (where you were probably guessing carbohydrates might reside) is an odd grab-bag including heavy cream, coffee, bourbon, and the occasional soup carrot or parsley. Oh yeah, to avoid succumbing to things like 'scurvy' or 'beriberi' I take a daily multivitamin.

So here we are driving across one of the longest, busiest bridges in the world with no possibility of turning around and going home, when my lovely bride figures the time is right to casually mention that the friends we were going to visit during the only carnivorous window of opportunity in 'the nine days' were vegetarians.  No wait, let me correct that... that they were strict VEGANS!

You can imagine that I didn't buy her excuse that it had 'just slipped her mind'.

It turned out that her friends were as nice as nice could be.  Really.  Salt of the earth... bright, personable.   But the food.... Oh.  My.  G-d.  The food.  To my carnivorous palate, everything tasted and smelled like carob or cardboard.  I mean, how many different ways can you prepare tofu and sprouts??? 

I'm sure that to people averse to eating animal products their menu was a veritable shmorgesborg of earthly delights.  But for me it was like that forlorn, empty feeling one gets while standing in the doorway of some earthy-crunchy health food store, breathing in that stale vitamin and bean curd aroma.

I'm happy to say that Zahava and I weathered that particular storm, and our marriage was stronger for it.  But you can bet that in every subsequent years we have stayed at home to enjoy a carnivorous banquet on the Shabbat during 'the nine days'... which starts this year at sunset tomorrow.

Is it Shabbat yet?  [~drool~]