Reverse Battleship

Most of you are probably familiar with the classic Milton Bradley game Battleship.  Basically, two players sit across from one another and take turns guessing where the other person's ships are located.  Correct and incorrect guesses are marked with pegs (red for 'hits' and white for 'misses'), until the constant probing reveals the exact location and orientation of all the opponent's ships... and leads to their sinking in as short a time period as possible.

Playing the game of friendship is sort of the opposite of this... a reverse version of Battleship, if you will.  Two people sit opposite one another and delicately probe one another to make sure that they don't sink any of the other person's religious, political or emotional 'ships'.... and the objective is to make the game last as long as possible.

Close friends know the exact location of each other's 'fleets' and instinctively avoid coming too close to the other's 'ships'... but new friends have to ply the waters very carefully or risk causing inadvertent damage.

Yesterday I was in Tel Aviv for a conference and found myself with some unexpected free time in the afternoon.  On a whim I called up Lisa, a talented journaler/journalist with whom I've exchanged many emails and comments... but to whom I've never actually spoken in person.  Lisa immediately suggested we meet for a late lunch at her favorite neighborhood cafe. 

Food?  Good company?  Twist my arm!

I pretty much knew who I was looking for since Lisa has posted pictures of herself from time to time on her site.  But as I approached the cafe I was still a little nervous about not recognizing her right away.

I needn't have worried... there she was, sitting in the center of the cafe's courtyard as though she owned the place.  I felt like I'd walked into 'Cheers' with Norm Peterson... she seemed to know all the waitstaff and even knew when their shifts changed!  To say we got excellent  service (not to mention wonderful food) would be an understatement.

Anyway, back to the game of Battleship... er, I mean reverse Battleship.

Lisa and I know enough about each other from reading one another's journals to realize that there are more than a few potential mines floating just below the surface of any potential friendship between us.  We are from very different religious and political 'places', and we look at our little corner of the world from very different perspectives.  But I think that both of us are more than the sum of any imprecise labels that someone might use to describe us. 

Sitting across from one another in this Tel Aviv cafe, the conversation was quite relaxed and covered an incredible range of topics. But I sensed that we were both probing gently to see where the other person's 'ships' were located... not to attack, but rather to avoid even the perception of an attack.  But it was inevitable that every so often there would be a subtle sign... a change in tone... a tilted head... indicating that one or the other of us had come a little too close to one of those pesky 'ships'. 

It's easy to find what separates two people and point out the obvious.  We see it all too often in on-line flame wars.  Finding common ground takes a little more time... and a bit more sensitivity.

As I said earlier, a more seasoned friendship can effortlessly navigate dangerous shoals because there is a history of mutual respect and trust to keep feelings from being hurt and sensibilities from being offended.  But early in a friendship there is only respect... the trust (hopefully) comes with time.

Lisa, I'm glad you were free to show me a slice of the city you love so much.  I'm delighted that we finally got to sit down and meet face-to-face.   And it was a pleasure playing a nice, leisurely game of 'reverse Battleship' with you over delicious soup, quiche and coffee.

Next time we'll have to include Zahava.