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Sunday, December 04, 2005
In which David buys an express ticket to hell
This past Friday the paperboy (or perhaps girl... I've never actually seen the person who tosses my newspaper deep into the bushes every morning) dropped off the weekend edition of the Jerusalem Post as usual.
The weekend edition consists of the two main sections of the paper... plus the Billboard section... a travel supplement... several assorted fliers... and the Magazine section. I know this probably doesn't sound like much to you New York Times subscribers, but it's just about perfect for my Friday and Saturday reading needs.
Friday was an unusually busy day so I didn't even get to take the paper out of the plastic sleeve until Saturday morning. Since the two news-related sections were no longer particularly timely anymore, I went straight for the Magazine section.
Splashed across the cover of the Jerusalem Post Magazine were four pictures of arguably the most influential female Knesset members. Here are the four of them as they appeared together on the cover:
We'll leave Limor Livnat and Yuli Tamir alone for today because their head-shots are well, if not flattering... then at least pleasant.
Dalia Itzik's photo, on the other hand, is just plain scary!
No wonder she's so damned influential! If someone gave me that scowl from across the aisle in the Knesset I'd vote any way she told me to just to keep her from turning me into stone! I mean, holy crap... is that the only picture the Jpost archives could dig up of this woman???
But that wasn't the worst.
I spent all of Shabbat trying unsuccessfully not to look at the picture of Tzipi Livni. I tried... I really, really tried. But no matter where in the room I was relative to the magazine cover, I couldn't avoid her baleful gaze.
And G-d help me... it finally occurred to me that what was bothering me was the fact that she looks exactly like another famous person... albeit in drag:
Yes I know... I'm going directly to hell.
Posted by David Bogner on December 4, 2005 | Permalink
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Tzipi Livni looks much more normal in person. I guess she's just very unphotogenic.
Dalia Itzik on the other hand always seems to scowl, and talks in the same manner. If there are flattering pictures of her, they wouldn't represent the way she really talks.
Posted by: Dave | Dec 4, 2005 12:52:56 AM
maybe thats the way she or her handlers(if she has them)want her to look....
Posted by: shmiel | Dec 4, 2005 1:52:47 AM
Chedva and I laughed so hard our 4 year old, Hadar, came in to make sure we were okay.
Posted by: Alan T | Dec 4, 2005 3:11:46 AM
That hair, oh that hair.
Posted by: Jack | Dec 4, 2005 4:15:57 AM
Dave... And here I thought politics was about winning hearts (with the minds following gently after)... :-)
Shmiel... Somehow the word 'handlers' takes on a different meaning here than I think you intended. :-)
Alan T... Sorry to worry Hadar.
Jack... Comb over? What comb over? I, for one, was completely fooled! I suppose one could say that 'The Donald's' hairline has not gone gently into that good night. :-)
Posted by: David | Dec 4, 2005 7:27:51 AM
Peals of derisive laughter!
Posted by: Peter | Dec 4, 2005 12:39:16 PM
I am so shocked I am considering not reading you anymore. How could you?? It won't even be hell, it will be a verson of Huis Clos in which you get to spend eternity trying to do their hair and rearrange their faces.
Posted by: Lioness | Dec 4, 2005 12:51:22 PM
Genius. Can't believe I never noticed that before.
And- not just because nobody else is rushing to her defence- can I state for the record that Dalia Itzik has a lovely smile.
Posted by: PP | Dec 4, 2005 1:54:05 PM
Still laughing 5 minutes later...That poor woman! I will never be able to look at a picture of her again without thinking "Donald Trump in drag"....at least you are going express and not taking the slow route...
Posted by: mcaryeh | Dec 4, 2005 1:56:17 PM
brilliance at its best Mr B.
connecticut represent *insert exclamation point here; it's not working on my keyboard right now*
Posted by: Tonny | Dec 4, 2005 2:42:00 PM
You are so right!
Posted by: Essie | Dec 4, 2005 4:13:12 PM
If you think you are going to hell, then you must think I already booked my ticket long ago.
Posted by: Aussie Dave | Dec 4, 2005 6:23:42 PM
Bish had a meeting with Tzippi Livni a few months ago in which she more or less wiped the floor with him. She wrapped up the meeting in less than half the time allocated, before she politely threw him out.
He came home completely besotted.
Posted by: Imshin | Dec 4, 2005 6:51:31 PM
That is just too funny. Good thing no one is home to see that I fell out of my chair laughing. Dave, if that is the only thing you are going to hell for you are in much better shape than me!
Faye
Posted by: Faye | Dec 4, 2005 7:33:26 PM
Peter... Glad to have entertained you.
Lioness... How intuitive of you to know that hell for me would be having to sit through four acts of an existentialist play (by Sartre or anyone else). :-)
PP... I know she does. A week or two ago there was a picture in the Post of her with her counterpart from some Muslim country, and she had a big beautiful smile on her face. I'm wondering why they didn't use that one?
McAryeh... like removing a band-aid, quick is always better.
Tonny... Go get a new keyboard. You can't comment on blogs without an exclamation point!!!
Essie... About going straight to hell or about the resemblance? :-)
Ausie Dave... I was counting on you showing me around the place. :-)
Imshin... I've met both you and Bish. What you've just written suggests that he has a thing for strong, outspoken women. But I also know that he is gaga, head-over-heels in love with you. As they say in Hebrew, ' mashehu lo mistader li po'. :-)
Faye... No, this is pretty typical fare for me... however, I generally don't hold people up for public ridicule.
Posted by: David | Dec 4, 2005 7:37:49 PM
Just too funny!! Maybe they can co-host a show and fire twice as many. And if you go to hell for this, you may not be in good company, but you will have plenty it. Thanks for the laugh!
Posted by: Tim | Dec 5, 2005 3:48:12 AM
Those are some very scary photos Dave. I hear a lawsuit pending from the Donald...any comments?
Posted by: Jewish Blogmeister | Dec 5, 2005 4:22:47 AM
I don't know Israeli politics in enough detail to have seen any of them before, but I think MK Livni is pretty and entirely unDonaldesque. Of course, I don't know anything about any of their politics (perhaps you'd like to educate us) but the sexiest characteristic of a powerful woman is that she wants to cut my taxes.
Posted by: Doctor Bean | Dec 5, 2005 5:48:35 AM
Tim... The funny thing is I've never seen the show. My only frame of reference for 'The Donald' is/was his omnipresence in the media back in the 80s and 90s. I suppose you're right about the company I'll be having.
Jewish Blogmiester... No, the only legal action that has been threatened lately has been from the anti-Israel/anti-Semitic blogger I quoted a few days ago. Something about libel...
Doctor Bean... Did you watch the History Channel just on the chance you will catch a glimpse of that hunk; Winston Churchill? Puleeze. And nobody lowers taxes here... it's the one thing all political parties agree on.
Posted by: David | Dec 5, 2005 7:32:55 AM
I think Dalia looks like another hotel tycoon.... Leona Helmsley. Hey you can see a side by side of Trump and Helmsley here.
http://www.forbes.com/2001/09/27/taleofthetape_9.html
Posted by: jaime | Dec 5, 2005 8:08:13 AM
or an even scarier picture of Dalia in 30 years...this seems to be a more recent picture of Leona.
http://www.forbes.com/maserati/billionaires2004/LIRIC5T.html
Posted by: jaime | Dec 5, 2005 8:13:57 AM
I will not sit idly while Churchill is besmirched. ;-)
Just as the prophet Elijah is said to have been rewarded for his faith by being awarded a spiritual presence at every circumcision, so too I belive that Churchill was rewarded for protecting the free world by having all newborns resemble him!
Posted by: Doctor Bean | Dec 5, 2005 8:59:15 AM
Oops, I mean the resemblance. David, I don't think you are going straight to hell...you do too much good through this blog! And you have the incredible z'chut of living in Eretz Hak'dosha. There's gotta be something to that.
Posted by: Essie | Dec 5, 2005 3:38:24 PM
:) Ok. this was a good way to start the week. Don't be caught 'playa hatin' David you wouldn't want to see her facial expression after she reads this.
Posted by: pk | Dec 5, 2005 3:50:47 PM
Y'know, I saw the photo of Dalia Itzik and saw a completely different connection...
Posted by: efrex | Dec 5, 2005 7:10:01 PM
Jaime... Leona was mean, but she didn't necessarily look mean. Dalia just scares me! :-)
Doctor Bean... I admire many things about Churchill... I just don't find women who resemble him to be particularly attractive. Before the hate mail starts coming in I want to point out for the record that I don't think women need to be attractive to be effective public officials. This simply got started with a discussion of who resembled whom... and migrated to a side discussion of Churchillesque women.
Essie... I was kidding! I think I know you well enough by now to know I could call you if I ever needed a character witness. Thanks.
pk... I think Dalia Itzik has bigger fish to fry.
Efrex... Remind me again why I'm supposed to believe that you are an 'Orthodox Jewish STRAIGHT Theater Queen'? (not that there's anything wrong with that!) :-)
Posted by: David | Dec 5, 2005 10:14:43 PM
David,
public being the keyword right? I am sorry to clog your blog space to respond to someone else, but... Efrex.. How could you say that about Eddie????????
Posted by: Faye | Dec 6, 2005 12:13:05 AM
David: The only people who think you would go straight to hell, are the admirers of these women.
And who cares what they think anyway?
:-)
Posted by: Jameel Rashid | Dec 6, 2005 5:25:43 AM
Livni is still ver good looking, and if she aws available I would take her any day. She must be good laid back. Can you tell me if she is single. Thanks, Peter
Posted by: chad | May 23, 2006 2:52:55 AM
God, Chad. Livni's turning 49 this July and she's been married for 23 years, with two kids, aged about 20 and 18. Don't even dream about it. I agree though, that Livni looks good. I think she manages to look gorgeously 30's and fit and intelligent to boot. I simply love this woman.
Posted by: LY | Jun 3, 2007 8:35:38 PM
I wanted to see the person with such a funny name, Tzipi Livni.
I keep on clicking this endless serie of pics, can't stop.
The only way to stop is to know the carachter of that person.
Anyone can help?
http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/nxoFGCQgAAi/Pressure+Mounts+PM+Olmert+Resign/Tov01EIvskl/Tzipi+Livni
Posted by: Paolo | Jan 5, 2009 8:11:16 PM
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