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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Just wondering...

A few things that have had me scratching my head lately:

1.  I understand that communicating on-line often lacks the range and nuance of expression we enjoy in face-to-face encounters... but who thought that there might be a chance in heck of actually getting me to plunk down cash money to buy animated emoticons (those little smiley faces people use at the end of sentences to let people know if they are kidding or not)?  I mean seriously... I would love to have seen the business plan that called for saturating the entire Internet with ads for these hokey little crying, laughing, sneering, leering, pouting, shouting little animated heads!

2.  Yerushalmi kugel (Jerusalem Kugel) is a heavenly concoction of noodles, brown sugar, pepper, salt, oil and other magical ingredients... baked until the whole mess is nicely caramelized into a yummy soft brick-like substance.  Who decided that a slice of yerushalmi kugel could not legally be served without a small pickle next to it?  This is a serious question I'm asking here... has anyone ever been handed a plate of yerushalmi kugel that didn't also contain a pickle?

3.  About six months ago I made the colossal mistake of posting about Schn*ppi the little Krok... er, alligator (take that, Google!).  Treppenwitz is still getting nearly eight hundred hits on a slow day from people looking for this stupid song.  What's more... these breathless krok fans are still leaving comments!   Am I the only one who thinks it's odd to leave comments on a 6-month-old journal entry?

4.  I get a lot of people landing here from very odd search engine queries.  I occasionally check to see what brought these seekers to treppenwitz... and I jot down the more, um,  interesting search strings.  One day when I have nothing better to offer (like this entry really qualifies as blogging gold), I will probably devote a whole post to these searches.  But in the mean time, I've been up the past couple of nights wondering about the tortured soul who landed here by doing a Google search for 'How to have sex with a cow'.   Besides the obvious 'eewwwww' factor involved (and thanking G-d that there were 3 more relevant results before mine!)... it occurs to me that there probably aren't more than one or two ways to, um, y'know... do that.  Which begs the question, what exactly was this lonely person looking for... dating tips?

That's all... nothing to see here... g'wan home folks... show's over!

I was just wondering out loud...


Posted by David Bogner on May 10, 2005 | Permalink


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I did post my site key phrases:

Posted by: Tzemach Atlas | May 10, 2005 2:59:25 PM

LOL. Alas, sex-with-cow searcher was probably a farm boy in Indiana, scratching his head over this dilemma one lonely night. "Ain't no gurls around, but that there cow sure have purty eyes." You have read The Last Picture Show, no?

Posted by: Mirty | May 10, 2005 3:44:31 PM

Some bloggers have a weekly 'how you got here' post. Most of them are quite humorous!

Posted by: Essie | May 10, 2005 3:46:57 PM

I can't believe you paid money for those smileys though. You can always get them for free somewhere.

I have the same thing with strange visitors. I am sure I've told everyone already but all the visitors I had after that ONE post I wrote about For 6 months I kept getting visitors who were looking for animal sex. A particularly nasty one was a guy (I assume it wasn't a female) who found my website by typing "how to prepare an animal for intercourse" on google. I was nothing short of appalled. I think it is highly likely that he was up to no good, that guy.

Posted by: Maria | May 10, 2005 3:49:09 PM

Tzemach Atlas... Thanks for the lead... I'll check it out.

Mirty... Yeah, but if memory serves, that was about coming of age in Texas (with one or two bits set in Kansas). I'm sure the fine upstanding farm youth of Indiana would never yield to the temptation of bovine love... no matter how 'purty' the cow! :-)

Essie... I might do it once... but I can't imagine it would hold much interest for repeat visitors. Then again, I've been flogging the Photo Friday horse for quite a while... so what do I know?

Maria... No, I didn't pay money. I was actually quite amazed that they thought anyone would! I am quite content to use various combination of punctuation and parenthesis to convey the subtleties of meaning missing from my prose.

Posted by: David | May 10, 2005 4:22:31 PM

Ok folks, What did you put in an entry that would cause a search engine to list you for animal sex? Did I miss a post during my neurotic Pesach cleaning?

Posted by: Marjorie | May 10, 2005 4:29:21 PM

1. It's time to give the checkbook and credit cards to Zahava. Bee hives are one thing, but giving up hard-earned money for animated smileys crosses the line.

2. Yerushalmi kugel is one of the yummiest foods on Earth, and I'm very happy that Jerusalem was named after it, not after, say, chicken Kiev. I've never seen it served with a pickle. Maybe that's an Israeli thing.

3. I must remember today to dig through your archives to find that thread and check out the comments. Between now and then I have about an Avogadro's number of things to finish for work. That's so I can generate a little income which I might spend on Yerushalmi kugel, but certainly not on animated smileys. ;-P See? That wasn't animated, yet the full range of emotion deriving from a wink with my tongue sticking out leaped right out of the monitor at you. I'm sure you're wiping a tear right now.

4. The important question is: which of your threads matched his search? He must have been quite disappointed. Now that you have that phrase ("How to ... with a cow") here in this thread, you'll probably get lots more of them! It sounds like these people love animals even more than PETA! Perhaps there's an animated smiley for that.

:-D mooooooo

Posted by: Doctor Bean | May 10, 2005 4:30:12 PM

It sounds like at least one of those people may have been a breeder ("How to prepare an animal for intercourse"). I just learned what's necessary in order to breed a sow artificially -- two things that will simulate the presence of a male. One is fairly specialized, but both are pretty mundane and logical.

Posted by: Rahel | May 10, 2005 4:38:53 PM

Marjorie... If you do a google search with the phrase I quoted, you will see that it links to a very benign post of mine. Honest!

Doctor Bean... Hellloooo! I thought the post was very clear that there was no "way in heck of actually getting me to plunk down cash money to buy animated emoticons." Zahava can tell you... I'm a gadget junkie. She's the one who spends our hard earned money on software, stock photography and fonts! As to which thread matched the search... do the search and see for yourself. =:~0

Rahel... Um, honey... I don't know how to tell you this... but that was just a tad more information than I was looking for. I know you are an animal person... but please tell me you aren't personally breeding your cats! ;-)

Posted by: David | May 10, 2005 4:54:00 PM

There's nothing better for Shabbat lunch than a slice of yerushalmi kugel, a heaping serving of chulent (heavy on the beans) and an Israeli pickle. Take a bite of each and let all the flavors dance around together in your mouth- it is the BEST!

Posted by: drvargas | May 10, 2005 5:05:44 PM

Am I the only one who thinks it's odd to leave comments on a 6-month-old journal entry?

I don't find it to be all that odd. You posted a billboard on the most heavily trafficked highway in the world. Some of the travelers are going to stop to say hello or gawk at the surroundings.

Every now and then I receive a couple of comments on some of the older stuff. The hardest part about that is that they seem to pick the worst stuff I have written.

And in regard to searches I love that kind of stuff. I have found the most bizarre combinations on my own blog. Doc Bean is correct, if we start posting odd combinations here who knows what will come up.

Angry Jewish Beekeeper Plays Shiny Shoe Music While Spilling Coffee and Driving.

If that particular search shows up in your stats let me know. I have got to meet that guy.

Posted by: Jack | May 10, 2005 5:40:34 PM

"but who thought that there might be a chance in heck of actually getting me to plunk down cash money"

I read that to mean "who would have thought..." My bad. Gotta start payin' attention.

Posted by: Doctor Bean | May 10, 2005 7:19:24 PM

as far as the yerushalmi and the pickle.. this is a take off on the very new england custom of hot maple syrup poured over fresh snow served as sort of a natural slushie.. It always comes with a sour pickle.. to balance out the intese brain freezing sweetness of the maple.... otherwise known as the "Burlington Schav" ( ok.. i made the name up but the dish is a favorite and we go up every year to partake during the "SAP Season..".. btw, insert all " dont eat yellow snow jokes here..

Posted by: shabtai | May 11, 2005 4:10:17 AM

you know Mr B, now that you actually have the phrase "how to have sex with a cow" in this post, its going to be easier to come to the Treppenwitz when they actually do a search with those words in it...just a thought....

Posted by: Tonny | May 11, 2005 6:02:50 AM

oh, and by the way, you are now the 3rd site listed in that search....*eyes darting left and right suspiciously*

Posted by: Tonny | May 11, 2005 6:06:22 AM

It wasn't anything dirty, David. I'm nowhere near breeding cats, but I did grow up in farm country (suburbia now, alas).

Posted by: Rahel | May 16, 2005 11:46:28 PM

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