What would you like to drink?

The question isn’t ‘would you like something to drink?’ No, that makes a ridiculous assumption… of course you want something to drink!

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I’ve mentioned a few times over the past month that I’ve been running around the country for nearly non-stop meetings. One of the nice things about this is that it has allowed me to observe the subtle, and not-so-subtle differences between American and Israeli meeting etiquette.

Having grown up in the US and worked in 'Corporate America', almost all of my experience with meeting etiquette and the social norms of the business environment are based on that model. So, I’ve become fascinated by the differences I’ve seen as I make the rounds of 'Corporate Israel'.

To be sure, Israel has adopted many of the finer things that one might find in boardrooms from New York to Silicon Valley; hi-tech multi-media equipment, gleaming asymmetrical conference tables, and deeply cushioned chairs.

But there is one aspect of the Israeli business meeting that Corporate America could stand to emulate: The fine art of making business guests feel at home.

Every single time I've had a meeting with someone here in Israel it is expected that the first few minutes of the meeting will be spent preparing hot or cold drinks, and that at very least cookies and nuts would be passed around.

Even companies with relatively modest facilities will always make sure that someone offers you these nice little touches of hospitality, and I’ve found that it throws everyone completely off their game if you say ‘no thank you’. They’ll ask a second and sometimes even a third time just to make sure they heard you correctly.

When everyone had been served their coffee or soda, invariably I’d get a worried look from somebody (as if I maybe I'd misunderstood the question), and a final ‘are you sure…’ would be stage-whispered before the subject is allowed to drop.

After the first few meetings I made a conscious effort to stop saying ‘no thank you’ and began politely accepting tea… coffee… seltzer.

The transformation was almost magical! It’s as if they are saying ‘We can be as ruthless with one another as we want in a few minutes… but right now we’re all Jews and that requires that we have a little something to eat or drink… preferably both.  Will you please take something already!!!’

I've been to plenty of meetings in the US where a lavish selection of food and drink was provided, but the refreshments were just, well, ‘there’.

Fancy platters of pastries sat largely ignored, and it was sort of expected that ‘real players’ would be aloof from the whole need for refreshment. If and when food and drink were consumed it was almost grudgingly done mid-sentence, with all the warmth of refueling one’s car.  The only people who ever got excited by the conference room spreads were the people who came in after the meeting to scavenge from the leftovers.

However, the genuine hospitality that Israeli businesspeople extend to guests as a matter of habit is much more reminiscent of the way I imagine Europeans conduct business. Even among the shiny trappings of the high-tech world it is nice to see much the same expression of hospitable concern that you would find in someone’s home.

I’m not expressing myself well here, but what I’m trying unsuccessfully to convey is how pleased everyone is when they are allowed to be hospitable. It is part of the culture and part of their responsibility as the host.

I'm just now starting to understand that accepting these gestures is one of the guest's responsibilities.