The good, the bad… and the chopped liver

OK, the good part is that Photo Friday had the desired result; lots of discussion.

The bad part is that seemingly all of the discussion revolved around a minor detail that was visible in one corner of one picture.  C’mon people, there were at least two other potentially lethal weapons in those pictures (not counting the liver) and yet you felt the need to fixate on the gun.  Sheesh!

Granted some of you may be new to treppenwitz, and weren’t around when I discussed my thoughts on gun ownership and my personal reasons for reluctantly deciding to carry one. But for the rest of you [wags finger reproachfully]… when the busty waitress at your favorite greasy spoon leans over to wipe your table… have a little class and resist the temptation to stare at the now-familiar cleavage!

I’ll admit that I should have followed Zahava’s sage advice and just cropped the picture. But then the only part of me left in the picture would have been my arm (as opposed to my sidearm)… and the request was for a picture of me chopping liver!

Whatever.

Since you all glossed over the other, more interesting details of the photos, I’ll share some of the answers to questions you DIDN’T ask:

A: Milk in a bag… what a neat concept! Why yes it is. In fact we buy our regular milk in bags too (albeit in liter-sized bags). Less packaging = more environmentally friendly. Also from what I’ve observed, the bagged milk has a faster turnover rate in the store than the milk in more traditional packaging so it is probably slightly fresher too.

A: Why yes, Ari and Gili look sleepy because they woke up moments before I shoved the shoko/moka into their hands and snapped this photo. BTW, the white bathrobe Gilad is wearing was made from the white flannel runner that served as our wedding aisle. Zahava couldn’t bear to see all that soft white fabric thrown out, so she has used it for several worthy sewing projects such as this bathrobe.

A: Yes, that little dark shape next to Gilad’ knee is indeed Yonah. No he didn’t get a Shoko.

A: Yes, you heard me correctly… a retractable fountain pen. It fills and writes like a traditional fountain pen, but retracts into a sealed chamber like a modern ballpoint so you don’t risk any ink stains on your shirt.

Also, if you read through the comments... how cool is it to have a couple of German girls (ahem, women) discussing 'Krapfen' filling and season in English on my blog!.  I feel so international!!!  :-)

OK… now to the subject that seems to have diverted your collective attention from the more central themes of Friday’s Photos:

Yes, I’m wearing a gun. As I said before, if you want some general background about my reluctant decision to do so, go here. As to why it is so prominently displayed… that’s a reasonable question for which I have a reasonable answer:

Before I got married I had never heard of the concept of ‘fat clothes’ and ‘skinny clothes’. However, living in close proximity to a woman (and loitering within earshot while said woman talks with others of the species) I have discerned that, depending on the day, some cloths simply may or may not fit. Fascinating!

It wasn’t until I went on a diet and had to buy pants in a much smaller waist size that I began to understand the concept. My first such diet was very successful, although the success was rather short-lived. However, my wardrobe expanded to include a nice selection of clothing for whenever I might return to the less ‘husky’ version of myself.

As I am now almost 10 pounds lighter (and seemingly stuck on this plateau) I am starting to fit into some of my ‘skinny clothes’ again. However my gun, which is usually tucked discreetly inside my waistband and mostly obscured by the billowing folds of my shirts, no longer fits there. Instead, I have to wear a much more visible holster outside my pants… at least until another 6 or 8 pounds vacate the delicate area around my ‘love handles’ and belt.

Riveting stuff, huh? This should put a hefty dent in my stats.

Anyway, my dad was kind enough to share his version of the family recipe for chopped liver, but mine differs in enough ways that I will post it here:

Grandma Fay’s Chopped Liver (David’s version)

Ingredients:

1 lb. fresh chicken liver

1 or 2 yellow onion

4-5 hard-boiled eggs

Schmaltz*

Olive Oil

Mayonnaise

Salt

Pepper

Garlic Powder

* Schmaltz is rendered chicken fat. Whenever I go to the butcher for chicken, I ask him to put the skin he trims from the bird into a separate bag for me. Once a month or so I take out all the collected chicken skin and fry it up in a frying pan. As the skin gives up its fat, you pour it off into a container. You will do this several times before all the schmaltz is rendered and you are left  with crispy-fired chicken skin (also called ‘gribinis’ in Yiddish. Gribinis is a huge (although infrequent) treat in our house! Anyway, I always keep a big container of schmaltz in the fridge to add to pot pies, soups, meatloaf, etc. And, it is essential for frying onions and, ye... making chopped liver.

Into a large cast iron skillet put a couple of big dollops of schmaltz and place over medium flame. Coarse chop your onion and dump into the now hot frying pan. Sauté until onions are transparent and starting to turn brown (don’t burn the onions or it will give the chopped liver a smoky flavor!).  Put onions and schamltz drippings into a bowl.

My dad likes to cook the liver in with the onions, but because I keep kosher, the liver must be cooked under a broiler or on an open flame (complicated reason… e-mail me offline if you really want the full explanation). I broil the liver on my outdoor grill but you can do it on a cookie sheet in the oven (on the broil setting). Don’t overcook the liver or it will be too dry.

While the liver is cooking you can hard-boil your eggs and set out your other ingredients and a good mixing bowl.

Once you have all your ingredients in front of you, begin by putting almost all of your liver into the mixing bowl. The key here is to always hold some of each ingredient in reserve because you are going to be constantly adjusting the ratios. The goal is to make sure no one flavor dominates. Like having great seats at the symphony, you should be able to ‘hear’ each individual ‘performer’ just by concentrating on it.

Into the bowl with the liver you should add a big dollop of schmaltz. If you don’t have schmaltz (shame on you!) you can use olive oil, but it won’t be the same. Start mixing/chopping the liver until you come up with a fairly wet lumpy mixture. Don’t chop the liver too fine! Big chunks are ok. Now add most of your onions and 2 or 3 eggs. Now add a little more schmaltz/oil. Continue chopping/ mixing. You’re going for a coarse texture here… not a paste. Now add in a tablespoon of mayo and your seasonings (salt, pepper and garlic power to taste).

From this point on you should be constantly tasting the mixture to see what is needed. Too ‘livery’… add another egg. Not ‘livery’ enough… add more liver. Too dry… add a bit more of the onions and more schmaltz/oil.

As I said, the finished chopped liver should look something like what you see in my mixing bowl but it shouldn’t taste like any one of the ingredients.

Serve at room temperature.

One of my astute readers asked about the chopper in the picture. I hate it! This is a truly stupid design that does indeed need three hands to operate. There are much better single-blade choppers that are designed to be held in one hand, and I will be buying one very soon! You can find them in any good kitchen/cutlery shop. Also, a good wooden bowl is not essential but is very pleasant to work with.

I hope everyone outside of Israel enjoys the rest of their weekend… and to my fellow Israelis; Enjoy the new work week.