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Saturday, January 10, 2004


Treppenwitz – remembering something to say after the right moment to say it has passed – is an appropriate theme for this ‘blog, given the sieve which passes for my brain. But occasionally (actually more often than I care to admit), I also experience just the opposite of treppenwitz: The perfect conversation starter jumps to mind, and I blurt it out before having really considered how it might sound out loud. The worst part is that I don’t always notice that the harrowing trip from brain to mouth has transformed the clever thought into something truly thoughtless.

Although our little Yonah has been sleeping more lately (sometimes 5 hours at a stretch), I still sometimes wander out of the house in the morning with bags under my eyes. This is not to say I have so much to do with him when he comes out for his 3:00 AM curtain call. Zahava has really been quite reasonable about weighing her requests for nocturnal assistance. However, the controlled explosion of activity in our bedroom that surrounds each feeding / changing tends to play hell with my sleep cycle. Even when I technically get a full night of uninterrupted sleep, I miss out on that refreshing deep sleep which the body really craves.

What, you may be asking, does this have to do with saying thoughtless things? Come to think of it, most of you are probably asking what the hell I’m complaining about, since Zahava is the one running laps around the bedroom at all hours of the night. Well, the truth is that I have fallen into the habit of making good-natured jokes about the reason for the bags under my eyes. When asked how the new baby is, I invariably gripe about his sleeping habits (or lack thereof), and make some off-hand comment about looking forward to him sleeping through the night. So far so good, right?

Well, picture in your mind’s eye how these comments and joking gripes would sound to someone who has been trying, unsuccessfully, to conceive a child. Now take a moment to assess the damage these ‘complaints’ would inflict upon someone who has lost a child. Yikes!

Purely by coincidence, I found out that, among my new friends and acquaintances, there are couples that bear the weight of such private sadness. When I feverishly rolled back the mental tape of my recent encounters with them, I am fairly certain I heard the sound of a size 12 penny loafer being noisily munched.

There is little I can do to fix the damage now. They would never dream of pointing out my insensitive behavior, and it would only hurt them again if I were to broach the subject in order to offer an apology. So…I am left to ponder the lesson.

The lesson here is about gratitude. When I find myself trying to sooth an inconsolable baby at 3:00AM, I will walk him another hundred times around our house and thank G-d for the gift of having someone to console. For every time I wake up tired, I will remind myself that there are those who would trade all they have to experience again - or at all – a sleepless night for the sake of a baby. By being ungrateful...I became insensitive.

Note to self: The word to remember is Gratitude.

Posted by David Bogner on January 10, 2004 | Permalink


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YOu waist your time walking, or driving - you should opt for writing instead!
Nice reading, man
See you

Posted by: Guggi | Jan 13, 2004 9:59:21 PM

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