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Sunday, February 05, 2012

Beer's a clear liquid, right?

I don't know what happened... at age 49 I was Mr. Suave & Debonaire.  Then the moment I turned 50 my doctor handed me a list of tests I needed to undergo... and suddenly I was transformed into the uncoolest of all Superheros; Captain Overshare;  "Unable to read even the most blatant social cues, and incapable of keeping myself from oversharing intimate details of my life with total strangers".

I'm guessing the reason people often overshare is that they are nervous... or downright terrified.  Turns out that just about everything that falls into the emotional range between nervous and terrified is the mortal enemy of casual coolness and genteel aplomb.

After needlessly rescheduling my colonoscopy a couple of times, my number is finally coming up this Tuesday.  I'm not going to be a baby about it or anything.  But I feel I'm entitled to at least a little sympathy seeing as the test is falling out less than 36 hours after the Superbowl!

Seriously... how big an idiot am I???

Do the math.  I managed to schedule the damned test in that window of time that I will have already had to stop eating pretty much everything that is likely to be present at a Superbowl party.

Wait... beer's a clear liquid, right?

Posted by David Bogner on February 5, 2012 | Permalink

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Ouch, David. Being a few years older than you, I recall such a procedure. But I don't recall a 36-hour window. I thought it was a bit less than that.

Posted by: Russell Gold | Feb 5, 2012 3:05:35 PM

48+ hours for some foods. 24 hours for anything solid.

And yes, beer is clear enough to drink at 36 hours. Like chicken broth :)

Posted by: Mark | Feb 5, 2012 4:04:39 PM

sympathysympathysympathysympathy... Is this like a "man cold" kind of thing? The Goddess and I are laughing behind your back, as we schedule our next mammary contrituration. Wait! Wait! [Somebody just handed me my lines.] Poor little bunny! Feel better soon! [All better?]

Posted by: rutimizrachi | Feb 5, 2012 6:01:36 PM

Rutimizrachi... I didn't even have to ring the bell. Thanks!

Posted by: Treppenwitz | Feb 5, 2012 6:42:26 PM

I hope it goes better than your sleep apnea test!

Posted by: LFD | Feb 5, 2012 7:03:07 PM

To the average Bavarian, beer is food.

Posted by: Quietusleo | Feb 5, 2012 7:07:48 PM

After going through 3 colonoscopies already, I have to tell you that the way to prepare the day before varies form doctor to doctor, but I can tell you for sure that if your procedure is scheduled for Tuesday morning, then enjoy the SuperBowl on Sunday night/early Monday morning and stop having solids right after that.
in terms of clear liquids, the way I was told about it, is that you cannot have liquids that are red (or readdish), you probably understand the reason why, you can't have milk, but I am almost sure you can have a coffee with non-dairy creamer.
I don't know what they told you to do to prepare for it, but if your preparation includes a one gallon of water mixed with a 14 dose bottle of Miralax (or whatever they call it there) then buy a flavor enhancer liquid (I used something called MIO) that is not red because it will take a lot of effort to drink it all.
I don't have an answer for you about the beer.
Good luck and don't worry, the worst of it is the preparation the day before.

Posted by: David S | Feb 5, 2012 7:37:34 PM

Didn't Budweiser market clear beer a few years ago? Maybe someone has a stash of the stuff.

Posted by: psachya | Feb 5, 2012 10:06:28 PM

Enjoy. Even pig out! You'll 'lose it all' the night before the test! Good luck!

Posted by: Val | Feb 6, 2012 3:00:09 AM

Pop corn probably doesn't taste too good after being liquified. I guess you'll never make that mistake again.

Posted by: Batya | Feb 6, 2012 12:22:55 PM

http://youtu.be/JqvpfrnmJrg

Hope that makes you feel better.

Posted by: Zalman | Feb 6, 2012 12:29:26 PM

Been there, done that (though not at Superb Owl time). The -- erm -- prep period is most unpleasant. Don't plan on leaving the house. Seriously. The test itself was not painful or unpleasant in the least. The sedation will do really amusing things to your short-term memory for the 4-6 hours immediately following...

Posted by: bratschegirl | Feb 6, 2012 6:41:04 PM

Here's praying that your Super-Bowel has nothing more serious than hemorrhoids.

Posted by: Freddy | Feb 7, 2012 12:34:44 PM

Just found something for you to be happy about - and to perhaps start researching after the colonoscopy:

http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/shortorder/2011/12/brew_coffee_from_a_faucet_yes.php

Posted by: Tanya | Feb 7, 2012 10:48:21 PM

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