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Sunday, November 13, 2011

Feeling Old

I woke up this morning to find an email from my older sister waiting for me.  Attached to the email was my niece's 6th grade school photo.  It was gorgeous!  I'm not just talking about the subject (who is, in fact, gorgeous).  The photo itself was something you'd expect from an established Hollywood actor's 'headshot'.  It had one large perfect photo on one side, and the border of the other side was made up of three smaller shots; two in color and the middle in black & white.  All it needed was a little color tinting and it could have been a gallery-worthy Andy Warhol montage!

The great thing is that if a kid is having a bad hair day, or has forgotten it was picture day and wore the most stained, threadbare shirt in the closet (something I did without fail every single year!), today's photo studio will happily 'Photoshop' you until you look like you belong in the Abercrombie & Fitch fall catalogue.

Now, I don't know about your experiences as a kid, but when I was in sixth grade we had to sit still for ages while the guy with the big box camera on the tripod messed around under a long black cloth draped over his head.  And just at the point where you got a tickle in your nose and your good eye began to tear up and your lazy eye started to wander a few degrees to starboard - poof - the flash powder (ok a bulb) would explode, forcing you to walk around for the next hour or two chasing a phantom greenish black spot where the center of your retina used to be. 

And the worst part was that you didn't know how hideous the photo had actually turned out until a few months later when you were unceremoniously handed a manila envelope filled with various sized cringe-worthy photos, looking Like the third from the left on a post office's 'most wanted' line up.

And in my older sister's day it was even worse!  She had to sit still for hours in those horrible high starched collars and whale bone corsets while a portrait artist painted their school picture on a life-size canvas… by candlelight!

Seriously, it makes me want to weep thinking about the annual horror show that awaited me inside that manila envelope of mug shots school pictures.  I'm going on record that if they ever figure out time travel, I'm totally taking a modern photographer back with me to redo every single school picture I ever took.

PS:  To Sophie…I loved the photo and it will be my new screen saver at work as soon as I get in today. 

Posted by David Bogner on November 13, 2011 | Permalink

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Ahem...

"She had to sit still for hours in those horrible high starched collars and whale bone corsets while a portrait artist painted their school picture on a life-size canvas… by candlelight!"

Really?!!!!

Last I knew, you were 3 1/2 years younger than me!

And just for the record... I'm cool with you posting Sophie's picture... jes sayin'! :)

Posted by: val | Nov 13, 2011 5:10:34 PM

Ah, that was awesome... Thanks for the laugh!

Posted by: Chantal | Nov 14, 2011 5:29:41 AM

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