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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I just hate that!

[I know my posts here are usually pretty up-beat and optimistic.  But I'm in a bit of a funk lately and I'm just not feeling up to being Little Mr. Sunshine.  I haven't had a decent night's sleep since breaking my ribs, and it is taking its toll on my outlook.  Mind you, I don't have the insane stabbing pain I experienced in the first week or two after the fall.  Now it is a dull ache that wakes me up whenever I roll over in my sleep.]

I hate when people fart in elevators.

I hate people who eat things in supermarkets and don't pay for them (and teach their kids to do the same).

I hate people who brag about cheating the government (and teach their kids to do the same).

I hate people who do leisurely 3 (or 4 or 5)-point turns on narrow streets without any regard for how much delay/inconvenience they cause to traffic.

I hate people that park their cars illegally blocking other vehicles who, when confronted, say things like "I'm just going in for a second".

I hate people who inflict their ill-behaved spawn on an upscale eatery when my wife and I finally scrape together enough for a long-overdue fancy dinner out without our children.

I hate people who dress up their pre-pubescent girls like over-sexed middle-aged women. Let 'em be kids ferkrissakes!

I hate people who, when you give them the right of way in a toss-up situation, don't wave thank you.

I hate people who talk loudly on cell phones on public transportation.

I hate people who ask 'what do you do for a living' within the first 30 seconds of meeting you, because they need the frame of reference your reply will offer in order to know how to relate to you.

I hate people I don't know who say random things like "Hot enough for ya?" .  Yes, my sweat stained clothes should make that clear... what's your point, pinhead?!

I hate 'homeless' people who beg for change while smoking and talking on a high-end cell phone.  No I won't work to pay for your vices and gadgets.

I hate people who think it is ok to corner me at social functions and try to sell me on whatever business, religious, social opportunity they are scamming these days.

I hate people who use corporate speak instead of plain language ("At the end of the day, the synergies we are trying to leverage and shifting paradigms we are hoping to target should allow us to raise the bar, think outside the box and drill down to our core competencies".)  Here, let me introduce your head to this white board.  Now that's synergy!

I hate people who introduce their views with "To be honest...".  What they hell have you been up 'til now?! 

I hate people who complain about the service and selection at the neighborhood mom & pop store, but do most of their big shopping at the giant box stores or on-line.  What, they're supposed to stock every size and color of every item on the off chance that you'll wander in one day and actually spend a little money at a local merchant???!

I hate celebrities who think that their fame/success gives them some special insight into politics and/or international relations.  Accept the award graciously, say thank you, shut your pie hole and sit the F#$% back down.

I hate people who wear sunglasses indoors.  Get over yourselves!

I hate people who stand smoking in the entrances to restaurants and office buildings. 

I hate people who flick cigarette butts out of their car windows or empty their ash trays onto the roadside.  Howsabout I take a crap on your hood?!

I hate when people make verbs out of nouns.

I hate when people say 'Irregardless", "Me either" or "I could care less".  Think before you speak.  Please.

I hate the kind of people who populate reality shows.  Couldn't wait patiently for your 15 minutes to find you, huh???!

I hate the idea of 'women only' gyms.  If anyone ever tried to open a 'men's only' gym they would be sued before the paint dried on the 'Grand Opening' sign.  The reason the rates are so high at the health clubs I'd like to join is because half the potential members have the ability to make a sexist choice with impunity.  And nobody is allowed to call it sexist.

I hate people who misuse the word "literally"... as in, "I was literally climbing the walls!"  No, Spiderman, you weren't.

I hate telemarketers.  "Here Yonah... you want to talk on the phone to the nice lady?"

I hate people who spit in public.  People who close one nostril with their finger and blow the contents of the other onto the sidewalk should simply be shot on sight.

I hate people who don't pick up after their dogs.  On one memorable occasion a woman who refused to pick up her dog's crap ended up wearing it home on the back of her sweater.  Don't trifle with me people!

I hate when people nod when I am talking to them even though they haven't a clue what I mean.  If you don't understand the words coming out of my mouth, give me a sign... I'll slow down or explain myself.

I hate people who don't lock their cellphone keypads and then end up calling me at odd hours when they sit on or lean against the damned thing.  And no, I won't pretend I didn't listen to 5 minutes of you prattling on about someone we both know, to G-d knows who.

I hate women who wear extremely revealing clothing who then act offended when my eyes go where nature demands they go.  You don't want me to look at your boobies?  Don't put them out where I can't help but stare at them.  I'm married and relatively polite... but I'm not dead.

I hate people who stop for no apparent reason in doorways, narrow stairways, crowded sidewalks, etc.  When exactly did your rear-scan radar stop working, nitwit?!

I hate sweating.  I would rather freeze my @ss off and pile on extra layers than realize I can't [politely] take off anything else... yet I'm still sweating!  Gah!

I hate hearing a recording by a successful musician/artist where the horn lines and strings are done by a synthesizer.  Dude, you can afford to pay union scale for the musicians to come into the studio. 

I hate people who can't be bothered to turn away when sneezing at the salad bar. 

I hate it when salespeople tell me to hold on while they spend 10 minutes helping someone on the phone.  I made the trip all the way down here, Chuck... all they did was pick up a phone.  Who do you think should be given priority?!

I hate people who, halfway through your story, stop listening because they are using all their mental energy to prepare to tell you the story you just reminded them of.  You can see it in their unfocused eyes that they just want you to finish so they can get to their bit.

I love asparagus... but I haaaaate the way it makes my pee smell. [I know... TMI]

I hate people who get offended on someone else's behalf.  Yes, I said  'Gypped', 'Indian Giver' (yes, I know that one makes no sense), 'Black', 'Oriental', blah, blah, blah...  If you aren't Romani (Gypsy), Native American, African American, Asian, etc., please just STFU.

I hate trust fund jerks and beneficiaries of shameless nepotism who were born on third base but act like they hit a triple.

Wow... I feel so much better now.  If only I could follow this up with a good night's sleep!  Feel free to share your own peeves.

[Full disclosure.  I've been collecting and saving these up for a while, so some of them are not my original peeves (although I heartily agree with them).]

Posted by David Bogner on July 13, 2010 | Permalink

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Oh no, this is too good to be true! I needed a good laugh today, thank you for providing it! Grumpy is the new charming ;-)

I hate the people who push in front of me in the supermarket line, keep talking on the cell phone and don't say thank you to the cashier.

I hate smokers at the bus station who smoke while standing close to mothers with children and other non-smokers.

I hate people who flood my inbox with useless 100-times-forwarded junk, virus hoaxes and veery funny jokes. And worse - when they meet me, they ask: did you see that fabulous collection of colored cat pictures...??? AAARGH

I hate loud ambitious parents in shops... who drone on, "and your whole school will fall over themselves when they see those katregel shoes I just bought you, son...." May the shvitzerim meet their just fate!

Nothing says frecha more clearly than the combination of blonde-dyed hair with black roots - leopard prints and turqoise clothing - and gold sandals.

I hate parents who encourage their children to be violent "in return" and excuse every violence of their offspring. Educate, don't seek excuses!

I hate the hectic people in doctor's offices. Before you even take place in the waiting room, they ambush you: when is your appointment? - Kibinimat, is is any of your business ayway???

Ha, you got me fired up....

Posted by: Lila | Jul 13, 2010 10:47:44 AM

And I hate it when people use abbreviations like TMI and STFU. It is OK when the phrase is used several time and it is explained the first time. But I find it quite impolite to use them without thinking.

I hate it when someone pretends to hate the guy who is smoking in the bus station. You don't know this person, how can you hate him, did he kill your mother or something? You're probably just angry.

I hate it when people say they love this or that thing. Hey! I love my wife, my kids, sister, and friends, but I do not love my iPad, event though I like it very much.

And I like this blog article - it is a good start in the day.

Posted by: Kurt Westphal | Jul 13, 2010 11:23:03 AM

Lila ... Happy to have helped.

Kurt Westphal ... TMI = Too Much Information. STFU = Shut The F#$% Up. Also, when I see someone doing something thoughtless or dangerous (to me or others) I genuinely hate them. It usually passes quickly but I'm not going to pretend it doesn't happen. And as to the word Love... it has different contextual meaning when used to describe feelings towards people and objects. Both are correct.

Glad you liked the post.

Posted by: treppenwitz | Jul 13, 2010 11:28:56 AM

" hate hearing a recording by a successful musician/artist where the horn lines and strings are done by a synthesizer. Dude, you can afford to pay union scale for the musicians to come into the studio."

hear, hear! and i also hate non-smokers who get all self-righteous. get in your car (or on your vespa) and add to our breathing environment, why dontcha.

Posted by: jonathan becker | Jul 13, 2010 12:41:34 PM

There already are men-only gyms for religious Jews, just as there are women-only gyms for them too. It’s not sexist; it’s simply the market responding to people’s demands.

Posted by: David | Jul 13, 2010 1:40:22 PM

'I hate sweating. I would rather freeze my @ss off and pile on extra layers than realize I can't [politely] take off anything else... yet I'm still sweating! Gah!'

It's the dreaded Bogner gene... and add menapause/hot flashses and 'PRESTO'! I'm a walking puddle!

Loved this... thanks for sharing.. i agree with them all! :)

Posted by: val | Jul 13, 2010 1:57:12 PM

Wow - an actual Bogierant! I love it.

I hate when I post a comment and then realize I've misspelled something. Preview, duh!

"I hate people who wear sunglasses indoors. Get over yourselves!"

I've been wearing sunglasses indoors... and at night... the last several days. I have conjunctivitis in one eye, and light is painful. Do you hate me?

Posted by: Elisson | Jul 13, 2010 2:26:19 PM

jonathan becker... Seriously? Are you really going to equate vehicle emissions (something which is a byproduct of something unavoidable) with second hand cigarette smoke (something completely avoidable... unless some inconsiderate bastard positions themselves in a spot where you are forced to inhale it)? IMHO that's a tad intellectually dishonest.

David... Don't you hate when people offer an extremely rare exception to the rule in order to try to disprove the rule? :-)

val ... waaaay TMI

Elisson ... No, I suppose we have to make an exception for battered women and sufferers of conjunctivitis. Te Absolvo.

Posted by: treppenwitz | Jul 13, 2010 2:47:52 PM

I love asparagus... but I haaaaate the way it makes my pee smell.

You too, huh? :O

Posted by: Karl Newman | Jul 13, 2010 4:01:35 PM

>I hate people who use corporate speak

Make yourself feel better and play buzzword bingo. Makes the entire experience a little bit easier to deal with.

A drinking game would be even better, but that may not always be possible in public...

Posted by: Aharon | Jul 13, 2010 4:27:35 PM

"I hate people who ask 'what do you do for a living' within the first 30 seconds of meeting you, because they need the frame of reference your reply will offer in order to know how to relate to you."

I get asked that everytime I go out, I think to myself why should I have justify myself on whether I'm their social equal or not?


I hate it when people your in the middle of talking to suddenly stop the conversation short mid-sentance, saying they'll be back in a sec to check on something unimportant and not even get back to you.

That is something that really vexes me, when people consider you such a low priority that they cannot be bothered to get back to you to continue the conversation.

Posted by: Natan | Jul 13, 2010 5:04:42 PM

For your next meeting: http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/

Posted by: s | Jul 13, 2010 5:11:31 PM

Eau de asparagus is actually very special for those of us that fertilize our gardens with home-made nitrogen. Grows great, big, sticky skunk, as a matter of fact.

Posted by: B | Jul 13, 2010 5:41:21 PM

Okay, I'll stop laughing, looking to see if I'm in any of your hate profiles (whew!), and pursing my lips over "isn't hate a little bit harsh, Bogner?", to add a few of my own pet peeves:
Why do people lay on their horns when it is clear that nobody ahead of them can move either?
Why do people think that I need to see four inches of their rear ends?
Why can't "the gentle sex" leave the stall and toilet seat appropriately tidy for the next person to use?
I think you covered most of the rest of mine -- and I'll forgive you for leaving out percussionists from your rant about musicians. This time. But watch for the doggy-do if it happens again.

Posted by: rutimizrachi | Jul 13, 2010 5:44:17 PM

I had started ticking what I agreed with and then realized it more or less covered all your post. So I'll just say"agree with all(or at least most) of the above!
A good rant is good from time to time.

Posted by: Ilana-Davita | Jul 13, 2010 5:50:28 PM

First, a "dan l'kaf zchut" comment on two of your pet peeves:

1- The person doing a slow 3-point turn might be thoughtless or MIGHT be fully aware that he/she is stopping traffic and feels very anxious to be finished with the turn, but also doesn't want to dent another car in his/her haste to let traffic get by again. Not being able to do a 3-point-turn quickly doesn't necessarily imply thoughtlessness.

2- The person wearing sunglasses indoors might have an infected or blackened eye he/she wants to hide, or a condition that causes photosensitivity.

As for my pet peeves that aren't on this list:

People who bring their children to (my) parties without being clear that children are welcome.

People who talk during davening, especially if they try to talk to *me.*

Israelis who switch to English when they hear I'm having trouble with Hebrew, rather than simply slow down as I ask them to.

People who don't walk all the way to the back on crowded buses, leaving a large empty space in the middle of the bus and an incredibly crowded space in the front.

People who try to set me up on dates before they know ANYTHING about me.

Phrases like "big fat liar," which equate the physical characteristic of fatness with the moral flaw of being a liar.

"Would of" and "could of."

Posted by: Sarah | Jul 13, 2010 6:11:24 PM

Bahaha... don't apologize, this rant was awesome! BTW ... the story behind this:

"I hate people who don't pick up after their dogs. On one memorable occasion a woman who refused to pick up her dog's crap ended up wearing it home on the back of her sweater. Don't trifle with me people!"

...demands to be told. What happened?

Posted by: Chantal | Jul 13, 2010 8:13:22 PM

Regarding asparagus, read Love in the Time of Cholera. It's a brilliant book, and you'll never think of asparagus pee in the same way again.

Posted by: TRS | Jul 13, 2010 8:27:35 PM

Karl Newman... I thought I was the only one who noticed. :-)

Aharon... Hmmm, vodka looks lot like water. :-)

Natan... If you let someone do that to you more than once you have to accept some of the blame. Don't be a doormat... give 'em hell when they do that crap!

s... Do they have a Hebrew version?

B... 'great, big, sticky skunk'?! splain please.

rutimizrachi... Ah yes, sorry. Forgot about drum machines.

Ilana-Davita... As Shrek said, "Better out than in". :-)

Sarah... A person who can't do a really fast 3-point turn shouldn't be attempting one on a narrow street with traffic coming. Go to the next roundabout or circle the block. Learning to turn the car at the expense of other drivers is rude. And I've already allowed (to Elisson) that an exception to the sunglasses rule can be made for battered women and people with pink-eye.

Chantal ... Stay tuned.

TRS... Think hard. Am I going to hate you for that recommendation?

Posted by: treppenwitz | Jul 13, 2010 8:34:44 PM

What is great big sticky skunk?
Hmmm, for a sophisticated guy, you really can use some education. Copied from Toronto420 Seed Company:

Blueberry Skunk is a large producer under indoor and outdoor conditions. A dense and stout plant with red, purple and blue hues that usually cure to a lavender blue.

The finished product has a very fruity aroma of the Skunk strain and tastes of Blueberry. It produces a notable and pleasantly euphoric mental lift of the highest quality and is very long lasting.

Bred out of the Skunk family, Blueberry Skunk is an Indica/Sativa mix that produces buds totally frosted with THC.

It is an excellent example of a fine quality cannabis and its ancestors have a reputation unsurpassed in growing. Blueberry Skunk is mainly an indoor variety but will work in the greenhouse or even outdoors. Finishing time is around 7 weeks, so you won't have to wait too long to experience the long-lasting cerebral high it gives. Blueberry Skunk is definitively for the connoisseur.

The finishing time will be within 60 to 70 days of the flowering's first appearance on the plant. Expect harvest in late September to early October in the northern hemisphere and in the southern hemisphere by the end of April. A proven true breed.

Quick Characteristics: Very Good Yielder, Short and Bushy, Good for small closets or Hydroponics Tables. Smoke is skunky, heavy but also hints industrial scent can be detected. For Late (heavy) late night smokers who enjoy social interaction.

Posted by: B | Jul 13, 2010 8:55:39 PM

I hate people who stop for no apparent reason in doorways, narrow stairways, crowded sidewalks, etc. When exactly did your rear-scan radar stop working, nitwit?!

You left off able-bodied people who dawdle down the crowded sidewalk, two abreast so you can't get by. People who drive too slowly are "road boulders" -- people who amble are "sidewalk boulders".

I hope the ribs heal soon and you get back to getting a good night's sleep.

Posted by: Liz Ditz | Jul 13, 2010 9:34:45 PM

I love it when people are considerate in elevators.

I don't mind when people eat things in supermarkets, they should enjoy life and I really like it when they teach their kids to pay for what they are eating too.

I love it when people admit they are cheating the government and feel embarrased and change their behavior before their kids follow in their footsteps.

I love it when people are turning around in a narrow street take pains to not get flustered (which might cause more problems) while executing the maneuver as quickly as they can.

I love it that when someone parks illegally, thinking they will just be a minute, and then realize they are causing a problem comes back and moves to allow traffic to flow again.

I love it when people realize that their kids are acting inappropriately how they do respond and manage them. It may not always be as quickly as I would like, but they usually do it eventually.

I am amused by how people dress their children sometimes even when I don't always agree with their choices.

It really makes my day when someone to whom I yielded the right-of-way acknowledges the favor with a little wave or nod as they proceed.

I love how easy it is to ignore people talking loudly on public transportation as there are so many interesting things to look at and think about.

I am amused when people are so focused on their own work that it is only by asking what my occupation is that they can continue the conversation.

I love how people try to make light of difficult situations, like when it is very hot and one must be outside, by asking if it is enough as if they could modulate the weather.

I am surprised by the optimism of people that seem to possess plenty that still want more as a direct handout from others.

I love how inspired people are by the things they are interested in and want to share them. I also know that I can always change the conversation or move on if I want to.

I am constantly amused by the language used in corporations as they find new ways to describe the same things that the Romans were dealing with.

I love how people use phrases that remind me to think about what people are saying. When they say "to be honest" I know they are not saying that in contrast, but it is a great reminder.

I am amused by people who complain about their selection as they are making it, they seem to be making their life unnecessarily unpleasant.

I love that celebrities try to be involved in the world even if their views differ from mine and even if they are not well informed. It would be boring if they didn't express themselves.

I am amused by people that wear sunglasses inside. I wonder what they are thinking that makes them think that it is a good idea to see less well.

Yeah, I'm put off by the behavior of smokers too.

I am amazed by the constantly evolving language, even though sometimes usages are jarring to me, I am happy that language continues to grow.

I am pleased that people want to be involved in the conversation even if they don't know exactly what to say to join in. They will grow into it if they try.

I love the variety of people on reality shows. It reminds me that my own experience is only my experience and other people's lives are often quite different.

I love that there are women only gyms as women have a harder time observing the laws of modesty. There is room for men and women gyms and plenty of people wanting to use them.

I laugh often at the things people say. One of my favorites is when people use literally as an intensifier without considering what it means.

I love that telemarkers are such good practice for my little children's conversation skills.

I am amazed by the variety of what people consider appropriate to do in shared public spaces. I am often reminded that different people are sometimes very different.

I love it that almost all dog owners are responsible and clean up after their animals.

I am often amused that people are so afraid to learn that they will not say so when they don't understand. It reminds me to make sure the conversation is two-way and that I am hearing them too.

I love the insight that I can gain when people's mobile phones make calls they didn't expect, but I don't put too much importance into the event.

I love the variety of clothing people wear. I know it accentuates certain things and draws attention, they clearly are looking for the attention and sometimes I don't mind looking. I know I'm not responsible for their reaction.

I love how I can quickly respond and just move on when people do unexpected things, like stop on the sidewalk. It reminds me to be aware of my surroundings.

I love how my body can maintain homeostatis in a wide variety of climatic conditions. I have preferences, but my love how my body maintains itself without my conscious intervention.

I am often surprised by the choices people make in their expression. Sometimes I know I am very sensitive to music so I am careful what I listen to.

Eww, ok, that's just gross. Sneezing on the salad bar is just bad manners.

I love how easy it is, since I am physically there, to get the saleclerk's attention when they pause to answer the phone. It is easy to make it clear what I need and it isn't rude to be clear.

I am amused by people that didn't learn how to converse. Sometimes I don't mind helping them learn how to listen and respond in a real conversation. They clearly get poor training by TV.

Sometimes when I smell things I don't like I am reminded that my dog doesn't pass judgement on scents, every scent is just information and I can choose how I feel.

I love how people show me how to maintain my equanamity by being upset about things just for the sake of being upset.

I love people that have wealth and know how to enjoy it properly. Feeling bad about money is a bad way to be no matter how much or little a person has.

I love how when we focus on the positive we make more positive. It's a pity that the opposite is sometimes true, but we can always bring it back to the positive.

Posted by: Shamir | Jul 13, 2010 9:40:54 PM

trep: i am 100% serious. vehicle emissions are not "necessary", certainly not as necessary as nicotine is to an addict. besides the availability of public transportation, i can tell you i rode a donkey for almost 2 years instead of driving and didn't suffer a bit, in fact i enjoyed it immensly. smoking my head off the whole time, and causing less environmental damage than even your cute little vespa. it is you and the rest of your gas-guzzling friends who are intellectually dishonest, especially when it comes to condemning smokers.

Posted by: jonathan becker | Jul 13, 2010 9:48:21 PM

Do I have to be on a green veggie alert,or does asparagus have a unique effect?

Posted by: Ed | Jul 13, 2010 9:53:16 PM

B... Okaythen, color me naive. :-)

Liz Ditz... Thanks Liz. And thanks for those expressions. However did I manage without them! :-)

Shamir... Forget what B is smoking... I want whatever you're taking. No, make that two. I want two of whatever you're on! :-)

jonathan becker... [facepalm] OK let's review an earlier response. A rare exception to the rule does not disprove the rule. Are you really suggesting that we all start riding horses and donkey's to work? Do you have any idea how unreasonable that idea is? And yes, public transportation is great and should be used by more people. But many locomotives run on fossil fuels as do buses. And even the electric trains and buses get their juice from powerplants that are almost all run on coal. Even electric and hybrid cars need to be charged. Basically your are moving the carbon footprint around... not eliminating it. My problem is not with smokers per se, but rather with smokers who are thoughtless about where they smoke and how they dispose of the waste associated with their habit. And please don't toss in the old addiction saw to justify bad behavior. Most smokers are responsible, sensitive people. But what all smokers share is that they made a choice to smoke and continue to choose not to quit. Like a lot of things in life, quitting an addiction is hard. But it is 100% possible.

Ed... eat some asparagus, wait 15 minutes and then go pee. No further explanation will be necessary.

Posted by: treppenwitz | Jul 13, 2010 10:06:36 PM

Ed:

I'm not sure why I have this information handy, but the "Asparagus/funny-smelling urine" connection is one with a long history. See The Straight Dope, fr'instance.

Time for my cathartic rant.

I hate it when people call cast recordings "soundtracks."
I hate it when people blast their mp3 players on the subway loud enough to be heard over the announcements.
I hate it when people think that a different hashkafic view makes a person a heretic.
I hate it when someone thinks that he is somehow a superior being because the team of overpaid, imported, chemically-enhanced freaks that he roots for is more successful than than the team of overpaid, imported, chemically-enhanced freaks that I do.
I hate it when a frum person gets convicted of a crime and shows up to his sentencing wearing a yarmulke as though he were a pious Jew.

Wow, that was fun!

"I know that there are some people who do not love their fellow man and I HATE people like that" - Tom Lehrer

Posted by: efrex | Jul 13, 2010 10:12:35 PM

Ooh, one more!

I hate it when people at a ball game start a-whooping and a-hollering during the last line of the national anthem, instead of respectfully either singing along or shutting up.

Posted by: efrex | Jul 13, 2010 10:13:33 PM

efrex... Glad you got that out of your system. Oh, and have you heard some of the bozos they get to sing the national anthem? People are just happy it's over!

Posted by: treppenwitz | Jul 13, 2010 10:22:49 PM

umm, couldnt you hold out a topic that brings out hatred til after the 9 days?
loved your post yesterday though.

Posted by: annonymous | Jul 13, 2010 10:50:24 PM

I literally laughed my head off.

Posted by: Baila | Jul 14, 2010 12:28:34 AM

women-only gyms aren't sexist :\ they exist because a large population of women for obvious reasons do not want to go exercise in skimpy gym clothing for men to ogle at them or otherwise make them feel uncomfortable. the alternative is that all of these women don't get the exercise they need to be healthy.

Posted by: J | Jul 14, 2010 1:03:38 AM

Good grief, is there a Midol shortage in Israel????

Posted by: marsha, in United Jerusalem | Jul 14, 2010 3:49:43 AM

AWESOME post! I shouldn't be laughing this hard during the 9 Days.

And BTW - I never use corporatespeak - it's above my pay grade. (ducking and running)

Posted by: psachya | Jul 14, 2010 4:04:33 AM

Re: Asparagus - apparently whether you can smell asparagus pee is a genetic trait; some can, some can't.

Posted by: Shoshana | Jul 14, 2010 4:57:03 AM

I didn't hate this, per se, but I have a cd (released when cds were relatively new) recording of "The Moldau" by Smetana, and evidently when they were setting up the recording one of the mikes was placed approximately over the 3rd bassoonist, so that the 3rd bassoon part (or 2nd bassoon, or whatever) is just-this-much too loud and you can hear the guy's part all through the piece.

I'd say I'm amused by it, but I love the piece so much that I find it rather irritating and disappointing instead.

There. I said it.

Posted by: Wry Mouth | Jul 14, 2010 7:54:53 AM

maybe this'll cheer you up. hope you heal all the way soon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlYpMqAjl_g

Posted by: Wry Mouth | Jul 14, 2010 7:55:55 AM

"quitting an addiction is hard. But it is 100% possible"-treppenwitz

this is equally true of addiction to fossil fuels. try the donkey, you'll like it. :)

Posted by: jonathan becker | Jul 14, 2010 9:36:31 AM

btw, if (i know, big if) private transportation was completely eliminated in favor of public, it wouldn't just be "moving the carbon footprint around" but would have real positive impact. on the other hand, you can't smoke on buses anymore, so i'll stick with my hummer. :)

Posted by: jonathan becker | Jul 14, 2010 9:41:17 AM

also btw, i hope you realize i'm joking- that's what the little smiley faces are about. i understand you've been a bit down in the dumps lately and i'm trying to cheer you up. i really did do the donkey thing, though, and it really was terrific. of course i wasn't commuting to jeru or tel aviv for work at the time...

Posted by: jonathan becker | Jul 14, 2010 9:48:26 AM

I hope you haven't left anything out, because I hate it when that happens!
I hate how young men talk these days. They sound like 5th grade girls, OMG! And tossing around the word LIKE all the time. I hate how their girly voices rise at the end of a sentence, as if asking a question. I hate the influence of Flaming Homosexuality on the culture. I want to be around a man's man.

Posted by: Judith | Jul 14, 2010 10:43:01 AM

"I want to be around a man's man."-judith

this reminds me of the old joke- "she's so fat, when she sits "around the house", she really sits "around" the house". a real "man's man" isn't intimidated by homosexuals, who have been with us since time immemorial. but i hear ya, sistah. how do you feel about donkeys? :)

Posted by: jonathan becker | Jul 14, 2010 11:19:54 AM

Very funny, and I agree with about 92%
I am embarresed enough to exercise in front of other women. Religious reasons (which DO exist) aside, would you really expect me to exercise in front of MEN?

Agree TOTALLY with the salesperson and the person on the phone. Recently I walked out of a store because of this.

Posted by: rickismom | Jul 14, 2010 2:24:33 PM

I only have one suggestion; try to avoid France if at all possible.

Posted by: Jacob (We Are Government) | Jul 14, 2010 4:12:01 PM

I love to wear my sunglasses indoors so that when I fart in the elevator I can secretly watch the others cringe. I love stopping at random and unexpected moments so that the people behind me bump into each other.

I love driving a old Fleetwood so that that I have to make a 27 point turn because it literally makes me laugh. No really, it literally does and if I say that I literally climbed the wall it is because I do and did. I am literally adversarial, oppositional and crazy.

I only wish that I had time to share the full list, but I have to go back to my job as chainsmoking telemarketer who wears sunglasses so that when I nod you think it is cuz I am listening and aren't aware that I am actually sleeping.

Posted by: Jack | Jul 14, 2010 6:44:18 PM

"I'm married and relatively polite... but I'm not dead."

Likewise, which is why I hate it when men wear Speedo-type bathing trunks or jeans so tight that they leave little to the imagination. Save it for the bedroom, guys!

Posted by: Shira Salamone | Jul 14, 2010 8:52:47 PM

David, you seriously need to chill out.

If I did not already know you, I would be scared to meet you!

Some of this stuff is really annoying, but the serious stuff gets lost in all the BS.

Yes, there are rude and annoying people in the world.

Get over it.

Posted by: RivkA | Jul 15, 2010 12:45:51 AM

"I hate people who ask 'what do you do for a living' "

Solution: new answer.

"Well, I'm a hitman, but that's just to pay the bills. My real passion is gardening."

Posted by: Tzipporah | Jul 15, 2010 2:37:21 AM

Good list and I can agree with you one most.

"I hate when people nod when I am talking to them even though they haven't a clue what I mean. If you don't understand the words coming out of my mouth, give me a sign... I'll slow down or explain myself."
It's been found that men nod to agree but women nod to show they are listening. It is an unconcious response that is not easily controlled and is the reason women so often accuse men of not listening.


Posted by: Esther | Jul 15, 2010 1:51:04 PM

Nouns and verbs: see this extremist point of view: "Verbing weirds language".

It sometimes helps to respond to "Irregardless" with "Unregardful" or even "double plus unregardfull".


Posted by: Freddy | Jul 16, 2010 6:05:01 PM

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your musical gripe (about synthesized string/horn/whatever lines). I'm a professional musician -- string player, in case the name didn't give it away already -- and it's so heartwarming to know that somebody out there (besides us) thinks it's important. The next time I'm in Israel with my axe I'll come and play something for you!

Posted by: bratschegirl | Jul 16, 2010 6:57:23 PM

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