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Monday, June 21, 2010

Stupid Office Stunt

Step 1:  Attend a [mind-numbingly dull] meeting on an upper floor at work.

Step 2:  Leave meeting [finally!] and forget to take off reading glasses.

Step 3:  Walk down stairs with above-mentioned reading glasses still perched on your nose.

Step 4:  Miss the 2nd step from the top (due to over-magnification caused by above-mentioned reading glasses) and fall head-first the rest of the way to the floor below... using ribs to cushion the [not-insubstantial] body's impact against the marble-hard stairs.

Presto!  Three broken ribs!!!

And the best part; there is absolutely nothing that can be done for them.  No wrap, no cast... Nada! 

Here, take these pills, and pretend they actually work... until you have to sneeze, of course, at which point you will realize that the pills don't do squat.

Posted by David Bogner on June 21, 2010 | Permalink

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OUCH! Refua shelaima! Brief review: WEAR reading glasses to distinguish broccoli from beans, and carrots from Keramica. DO NOT WEAR reading glasses to distinguish between carpet and steps -- unless we are low-crawling across the floor. Don't thank me... You know the drill.

Posted by: rutimizrachi | Jun 21, 2010 3:07:22 PM

Switch to progressive bifocal lenses, unless you only need your glasses to read.

Posted by: Ilana-Davita | Jun 21, 2010 3:52:23 PM

OUCH! Yikes... perhaps you should hang onto the railings going forward!!

Feel better!

Posted by: val | Jun 21, 2010 4:35:15 PM

Wow. Not fun, I imagine.

Feel better!

Posted by: RbBC | Jun 21, 2010 4:38:56 PM

Yikes!
Refuah Sheleima.
Oh, and don't try laughing either.....

Posted by: G6 | Jun 21, 2010 4:39:29 PM

ouch! and i thought it was the ennui that was keeping you away... three broken ribs is quite a lot to go through just for some blog fodder, though....
refuah shelayma, and my best wishes to zehava - she'll know why!

Posted by: debbie | Jun 21, 2010 4:51:12 PM

Ouch! Refua Sheleima!

Posted by: SaraK | Jun 21, 2010 4:56:27 PM

Oh no! Praying for a quick recovery.

Posted by: Jendeis | Jun 21, 2010 5:13:39 PM

Ouch. Refuah shleimah. The joys of aging never cease.

Posted by: Jack | Jun 21, 2010 5:23:11 PM

Refuah Shelema! Wishing a quick recovery!

Posted by: Greg T | Jun 21, 2010 5:30:53 PM

Ohmygoodness...I cannot imagine the unpleasantness...the speediest of recoveries to you.

Posted by: Erica | Jun 21, 2010 5:31:22 PM

Ouch...not fun. Hope you feel better, Dave.

Posted by: Karl Newman | Jun 21, 2010 5:39:40 PM

o my goodness!

I do that all the time without thinking.
I think I have been lucky so far.

Posted by: weese | Jun 21, 2010 5:42:47 PM

רפואה שלמה - באמת לא הבנתי למה לא כתבת מאז יום רביעי

Posted by: yaffa glass | Jun 21, 2010 5:46:34 PM

Just recovered myself from a frozen shoulder,so you have my sympathy and best wishes for a full recovery. Consider yourself lucky while being so off balance, there was no head injury(I resist making any jokes).

Posted by: Ed | Jun 21, 2010 5:55:41 PM

1. You need computer glasses, not just reading glasses. They ain't the same thing.

2. Clever of you to cushion the fall with your ribs.

3. Wait til you try to ride that scooter...

4. Bigger pills! Really, they make 'em just for times like this. Worst case, Google 'fentanyl'. Okay, you're sick. Here it is:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fentanyl.

Fentanyl is about 100 times more potent than morphine. Of course, they might have to hospitalize you to be safe (you really don't want to stop breathing), but it's there for you if you need it.

For an eyebrow-raiser, look up 'Carfentanil'.

Posted by: AreaMan | Jun 21, 2010 6:52:57 PM

Oh I am so sorry this has happened! I confess I was worried when there was no post (I visit every day). Praying for a fast recovery.

Posted by: Kiwi Noa | Jun 21, 2010 9:33:36 PM

Try washing the pills down with Bourbon, that should make them more potent.
Feel better Dave.

Posted by: C. Halb | Jun 21, 2010 9:38:09 PM

Oy! !רפואה מהירה ושלמה

Posted by: Alisha | Jun 21, 2010 10:01:39 PM

Oh, no! I'm so sorry to hear about your accident. Refua shlema! I hope you feel better soon!

Posted by: Rahel | Jun 21, 2010 10:04:07 PM

1. Do NOT combine alcohol with other drugs!
2. Fentanyl is a controlled narcotic and very dangerous in the wrong hands. It causes some minor side effects like APNEA (the absence of breathing).
3. If you need the REALLY strong stuff, you know where to find me.
4. Remember, gravity works 24/7.

Posted by: QuietusLeo | Jun 21, 2010 11:30:15 PM

Refuah sheleima!

You know, after smashing myself in the face one too many times with my coffee cup (due to not being able to focus on things less than a foot away), I got into the habit of always wearing my reading specs.

Posted by: At The back of the Hill | Jun 21, 2010 11:41:45 PM

So sorry to hear that - refuah sheleimah!

Can you suddenly find your work hilarious and be unable to stop chuckling, your injuries could get you on short-term disability... ;)

Posted by: Tzipporah | Jun 21, 2010 11:49:40 PM

Ay, caramba.

רפוה שלימה!!

Posted by: a. | Jun 21, 2010 11:51:20 PM

This sounds extremely painful. I hope you feel better soon.

Posted by: Idit | Jun 22, 2010 12:01:18 AM

Refuah sheleima.

That could have been so much more serious, thank goodness you didn't hurt yourself much, much worse.

No insanity defence for that one, I guess?

Take care and recover quickly.

Posted by: Ken | Jun 22, 2010 12:04:36 AM

OMG! רפואה שלמה! I have almost been in the same situation myself, having gotten new reading/computer glasses. I will be extra careful from now on. בלינדר of course.

Posted by: annie | Jun 22, 2010 12:44:37 AM

My best wishes to you for a refuah shleimah. Avoid humor and huggy people. And you might consider getting an inversion table in case you're not breathing deeply.

Posted by: Barzilai | Jun 22, 2010 12:52:30 AM

Oof. Sounds like me after my gallbladder surgery - sneezing was excrutiating, and with all the construction across the street, creating clouds of dust (even with all the windows closed!), I was sneezing constantly: AH-choo-OW! AH-choo-OW! AH-choo-OW!

Complete and speedy recovery!!

Posted by: Alissa | Jun 22, 2010 12:55:07 AM

Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ouch.

Refuah sheleimah, bro.

Posted by: Elisson | Jun 22, 2010 3:53:51 AM

Oh nooooooo... so very very sorry. But glad your noggin is intact!

Posted by: bratschegirl | Jun 22, 2010 7:44:42 AM

Oh my God I'm so sorry to hear that! How awful - רפואה שלמה ומהירה!!

Posted by: toby | Jun 22, 2010 11:26:18 AM

Oh my God I'm so sorry to hear that! How awful - רפואה שלמה ומהירה!!

Posted by: toby | Jun 22, 2010 11:26:19 AM

All I can say is OUCH!!! I hope your ribs get better fast, living in pain is no way to live (from experience). And no pill they give you really helps (even though some do make you feel better :-) for a little while anyway).

Posted by: Moshe Eshel | Jun 22, 2010 11:41:11 AM

A painful way to prove Snell–Descartes law. Get well soon.

Posted by: Rami | Jun 22, 2010 1:56:02 PM

!רפואה שלמה והחלמה מהירה

Posted by: Mrs.S. | Jun 22, 2010 2:37:38 PM

Refuah Shelaimoh! Re the sneezing, keep a pillow next to you and if you feel a sneeze coming on, hold the pillow across your rib cage. Doesn't eliminate all the pain but it definitely reduces it (edxperience speaking here).

Posted by: Prof K | Jun 22, 2010 4:58:35 PM

Will you be getting a copy of the video from work to show your fans? C'mon, Dave - you know they captured it.

Feel better, stay away from the trombone practicing for awhile.

Posted by: yonah | Jun 22, 2010 7:01:39 PM

Quietus, what about pot? Any drug interactions? One of the researchers that did work on marijuana for Alzheimer's sufferers personally recommended it to me. His point was that it's essentially benign, if you're not driving or operating heavy machinery, and it makes you happy.

Posted by: Barzilai | Jun 22, 2010 7:06:35 PM

Oh. Refuah Shleimah, David.

Remember, all - David is a professional. Don't try this at home.

Posted by: Russ Gold | Jun 22, 2010 11:55:59 PM

Three broken ribs? Take comfort in the [now] 41 comments you got. To feel better, lay in bed, moan loudly when your peeps are around. When they're not, prepare your bed or Archie Bunker chair with provisions--phone, laptop, reading material, chips. Download some really trashy TV show or movie and treat yourself to some ice cream. I believe you can mix it with any drug.

You'll feel better in no time.

Posted by: Baila | Jun 23, 2010 12:29:48 AM

You realize of course that you will be, um, ribbed endlessly with corny jokes? (Well, it needed to be said.) Personally, I'm amazed that your ribs took the brunt of it, and not your more cerebral parts. Ow. Feel better fast and have a complete recovery. On the bright side (for your readers, anyway), with a little bit of medicine in ya, your posts may be even more . . . .whimsical . . .for the next few weeks.

Posted by: Ari | Jun 23, 2010 2:58:21 AM

Oh David! I'm so very sorry to hear this! (This is a situation where I'd be tempted to ignore all warnings and have a glass of wine with said pain meds...but you didn't hear this from me. ) ;)

Posted by: Maya | Jun 23, 2010 7:08:17 AM

Good heavens, I stay away from this blog for a few days and come back to find you in more pieces than you were on my previous visit. Oy. Refuah shleimah.

Posted by: Shira Salamone | Jun 25, 2010 2:07:49 AM

OMG! How are you now? How long before you are back on your feet? Take care and hope you get well soon.

Posted by: Sonal | Jun 26, 2010 9:12:29 PM

Refuah shelema.

Posted by: psachya | Jun 27, 2010 8:23:41 AM

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