He Travels, I…. Count…. Down

[A guest post by Zahava]

So. Wanna know how it’s going over here at Chez Trep’s during the wandering Jew’s absence?

Perhaps this description of a typical exchange with Yonah while his Abba is away will help share the 'love.'

Zahava: “Yonah, did you have a nice nap?”

Yonah: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Zahava: “Okey, dokey, then. Let’s go upstairs, shall we?”

Yonah: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Zahava: “Okey, dokey, then. I’ll go upstairs, you stay down here in Abba’s bed, mmkay?!” [Zahava begins to take her leave from the room…]

Yonah: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Zahava: “Honey, if you want to come upstairs with me, I'll wait for you, but you need to actually move in my direction.”

Yonah: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

      [Zahava ascends the stairs as the melodramatic shrieking swells behind her]

Yonah: “Ima I need HEEEELLLLLPPPPP! Ima, I don’t want to be alone! Ima! Ima! YOU GET BACK HERE AND HELP ME! I AM TALKING TO YOU! IMA! IMA! IMA!”

Zahava, (conjuring a façade of calm that she really doesn’t feel): “Yonah, you are a big boy. You know how to climb the stairs. I will be upstairs with Grandma and Grandpa. Please come join us.”

My mother-in-law: “Wow. He doesn’t really sound refreshed. I take it he's awake.” [unspoken mental response: "Ya think?!"]

Yonah (who is now half-way up the stairs and truly hysterical): “Ima! Ima! YOU GET BACK HERE! I AM TALKING TO YOU! IMA! IMA! IMA!”

Then, in a clear shift in strategy: “Ima! Ima! I HAVE TO MAKE! I CAN’T OPEN MY PANTS! I AM GOING TO MAKE IN MY PANTS!”

Zahava, (suspicious of the new tactic, continuing in a brilliant rendition of CALM!): “Yonah, I will help you when you come to me. I am sorry, but after the way you spoke to me I am not coming to you. You are a big boy, you have been going to the bathroom by yourself for a long time.”

Yonah (who realizes he is stuck and not getting me to come to him): “Ima! Ima! ARGH! ARGH! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

My mother-in-law: “He sure is loud, isn’t he.”

Nerves frayed, I rise from the couch to get a glass of water from the kitchen. As I cross through the living room, the door to the downstairs opens, revealing a tear-streaked little boy.

Yonah, (sobbing): “Ima! Ima! I AM VERY ANGRY AT YOU! I AM VERY, VERY ANGRY AT YOU!”

Zahava: “Yonah, I understand that you are upset, but you may not scream to get my attention. It hurts my ears. It hurts my head. You are a big boy and I know that you know how to speak nicely.”

Yonah, (sobbing, but with a little less conviction): “Argh! Argh! Arrggghhhh! I want a hug, Ima.”

Zahava: “I’m sure you do, honey. Tell me that you're sorry for screaming and come over here and I'll give you a hug.”

Yonah, (quietly pulling himself together): “Okay. I'm sorry for screaming.”

Sniffling as he draws near he whispers, “Ima I love you” as he buries his head in my lap.

Zahava: “I love you too honey! Do you need help going to the bathroom now?”

Yonah: “No. I don’t have to make.”

      [pppppppttttttttfffffffftttttt]

My father-in-law (good naturedly): He’s a little tyrant…..”

So…. Ummmmm…. yeah. That pretty much sums it all up.

Hmmm, and only 5 more days to go. Well… at least we're more than half way there, right?