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Sunday, November 16, 2008

He Travels, I…. Count…. Down

[A guest post by Zahava]

So. Wanna know how it’s going over here at Chez Trep’s during the wandering Jew’s absence?

Perhaps this description of a typical exchange with Yonah while his Abba is away will help share the 'love.'

Zahava: “Yonah, did you have a nice nap?”

Yonah: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Zahava: “Okey, dokey, then. Let’s go upstairs, shall we?”

Yonah: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Zahava: “Okey, dokey, then. I’ll go upstairs, you stay down here in Abba’s bed, mmkay?!” [Zahava begins to take her leave from the room…]

Yonah: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Zahava: “Honey, if you want to come upstairs with me, I'll wait for you, but you need to actually move in my direction.”

Yonah: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

      [Zahava ascends the stairs as the melodramatic shrieking swells behind her]

Yonah: “Ima I need HEEEELLLLLPPPPP! Ima, I don’t want to be alone! Ima! Ima! YOU GET BACK HERE AND HELP ME! I AM TALKING TO YOU! IMA! IMA! IMA!”

Zahava, (conjuring a façade of calm that she really doesn’t feel): “Yonah, you are a big boy. You know how to climb the stairs. I will be upstairs with Grandma and Grandpa. Please come join us.”

My mother-in-law: “Wow. He doesn’t really sound refreshed. I take it he's awake.” [unspoken mental response: "Ya think?!"]

Yonah (who is now half-way up the stairs and truly hysterical): “Ima! Ima! YOU GET BACK HERE! I AM TALKING TO YOU! IMA! IMA! IMA!”

Then, in a clear shift in strategy: “Ima! Ima! I HAVE TO MAKE! I CAN’T OPEN MY PANTS! I AM GOING TO MAKE IN MY PANTS!”

Zahava, (suspicious of the new tactic, continuing in a brilliant rendition of CALM!): “Yonah, I will help you when you come to me. I am sorry, but after the way you spoke to me I am not coming to you. You are a big boy, you have been going to the bathroom by yourself for a long time.”

Yonah (who realizes he is stuck and not getting me to come to him): “Ima! Ima! ARGH! ARGH! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

My mother-in-law: “He sure is loud, isn’t he.”

Nerves frayed, I rise from the couch to get a glass of water from the kitchen. As I cross through the living room, the door to the downstairs opens, revealing a tear-streaked little boy.

Yonah, (sobbing): “Ima! Ima! I AM VERY ANGRY AT YOU! I AM VERY, VERY ANGRY AT YOU!”

Zahava: “Yonah, I understand that you are upset, but you may not scream to get my attention. It hurts my ears. It hurts my head. You are a big boy and I know that you know how to speak nicely.”

Yonah, (sobbing, but with a little less conviction): “Argh! Argh! Arrggghhhh! I want a hug, Ima.”

Zahava: “I’m sure you do, honey. Tell me that you're sorry for screaming and come over here and I'll give you a hug.”

Yonah, (quietly pulling himself together): “Okay. I'm sorry for screaming.”

Sniffling as he draws near he whispers, “Ima I love you” as he buries his head in my lap.

Zahava: “I love you too honey! Do you need help going to the bathroom now?”

Yonah: “No. I don’t have to make.”

      [pppppppttttttttfffffffftttttt]

My father-in-law (good naturedly): He’s a little tyrant…..”

So…. Ummmmm…. yeah. That pretty much sums it all up.

Hmmm, and only 5 more days to go. Well… at least we're more than half way there, right?

Posted by David Bogner on November 16, 2008 | Permalink

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Um,sweetie... Did I mention that they sell Valium over the counter here?

Posted by: treppenwitz | Nov 16, 2008 12:42:55 PM

what a sweet gift for you to bring back to zahava! or wait...is it for you??
sounds like next time you travel, you should plan to bring Yonah with you!
zahava - book now for usage upon dh's return: http://www.inisrael.com/isrotel/hotels/carmel_forest_spa_resort/index.html

Posted by: Debbie | Nov 16, 2008 1:35:12 PM

Well, that one was 84% likely to be a woman:

http://www.genderanalyzer.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fbogieworks.blogs.com%2Ftreppenwitz%2F2008%2F11%2Fhe-travels-i-co.html

Posted by: Dave (Balashon) | Nov 16, 2008 1:51:57 PM

Um, sweetie, you have mentioned it once or twice.... But. Did you not catch the whole "5 more days to go" thing?! I'm just sayin'....

Debbie: Oh! If only.... well... a girl can dream.....

Dave (Balashon): ROTFLMAO!

Posted by: zahava | Nov 16, 2008 2:09:13 PM

5 more days for Zahava to conjure up appropriate payback

Posted by: Sara K | Nov 16, 2008 5:03:13 PM

Zahava, I love the title of this post. Do you ever get to travel while hecounts?

Posted by: Ilana-Davita | Nov 16, 2008 5:39:49 PM

Sara K: Trust me, I am trying... Am open to good suggestions! :-)

Ilana-Davita: Until this trip I have been pretty much a "home-body." At the moment, however, I have begun to understand the appeal of travel....

Posted by: zahava | Nov 16, 2008 8:01:34 PM

But Zahava, I don't get it. Is Yonah only like that when David isn't there? Most kids of that age that I've met are like that whenever they're particularly tired or grumpy.

Posted by: Alisha | Nov 16, 2008 8:35:09 PM

my kid's in college but this brought it all back as if it were just yesterday... wait, it was pretty much like this in august when she was packing, albeit with a slightly larger vocabulary...

Posted by: bratschegirl | Nov 16, 2008 11:37:40 PM

Ooh. I can picture that whole exchange. Very, very vividly.

You have my sympathy...

Posted by: uberimma | Nov 17, 2008 2:48:44 AM

Yes, Alisha, he is like this when David is around, but then we outnumber him.... Not to mention, that Yonah's tantrums do seem to last longer when David isn't around. More frequent, and longer.... [sigh]

bratschegirl: no words....

uberimma: Thanks! I know you can picture it!

Posted by: zahava | Nov 17, 2008 7:01:49 AM

"...conjuring a façade of calm that she really doesn’t feel."

I so know that feeling.

So where are you planning on going?

Posted by: Baila | Nov 17, 2008 11:06:20 PM

Zahava: Kol Hakavod. I don't think I could have stayed calm like that.

David will be home soon ;-)

Posted by: Jameel @ The Muqata | Nov 18, 2008 12:48:38 PM

Wow. I am so impressed!! Wish I could maintain that kind of outward calm....

Posted by: Rivka with a capital A | Nov 23, 2008 1:13:33 AM

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