Comments on Falling off the face of the earthTypePad2008-02-12T11:13:45ZDavid Bognerhttps://www.treppenwitz.com/tag:typepad.com,2003:https://www.treppenwitz.com/2008/02/falling-off-the/comments/atom.xml/Bob commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5504e695c88332008-02-16T03:32:38Z2008-02-16T03:32:38ZBobhttp://lostfart.blogspot.comThe downside of women being so sympathetic is it leads them to ask questions that have no satisfactory answer: "If...<p>The downside of women being so sympathetic is it leads them to ask questions that have no satisfactory answer: "If I died would you remarry?"</p>
<p>Can you even imagine a guy thinking about such a thing (much less being stupid enough to ask his wife)?</p>
<p>My first thought in response to Joyce's asking me that question was: "If you were dead, why would you <i>care</i> whether I remarried?" But before I could shoot my foot off, Joyce explained, "You really ought to remarry -- the kids need a mother."</p>
<p>So next time Joyce asks, I'm ready with the correct response: "No way! The kids are all grown; they don't need a mother any more."</p>Cara commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5505e5cf488342008-02-15T04:59:18Z2008-02-15T04:59:18ZCarahttp://carasworld.blogspot.comYour post reminded me of the many I'd typed, deleted, and retyped 2 years ago, when my friend Liz was...<p>Your post reminded me of the many I'd typed, deleted, and retyped 2 years ago, when my friend Liz was so very ill, particularly when you mentioned feeling a disconnect between your age and stage of life and the notion of your contemporaries passing away. I especially recall lying in bed on my 24th birthday, which fell on Pesach, not sure if Liz was alive or not because no one could call me over yontiv. It forced me to do a lot of heavy thinking about my own life and what I wanted to accomplish with it.</p>
<p>I'm undeniably female, and Liz was a very close friend. Yet I did just as much thinking about myself and trying to come to terms with the idea that I might not live long enough to do whatever I was put on this earth to do, as I did coming to terms with the loss of everything Liz could have done and been and the grief and loss her family was feeling. </p>
<p>I don't think it's coincidence that the chuk of the parah adumah resonates so strongly with me. Death is one of those laws of life that we simply cannot ever fully wrap our brains around. The best we can do is find some way to integrate our experiences with death, no matter how far removed, into our schema and go from there. We just each have our own ways of accomplishing that.</p>Shimshonit commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5503eef9088332008-02-13T20:30:03Z2008-02-14T04:55:09ZShimshonithttp://angst-in-a-sunburnt-land.blogspot.com/There's hardly a day that goes by when I don't wonder what I or the kids would do if my...<p>There's hardly a day that goes by when I don't wonder what I or the kids would do if my husband weren't here. His patience, his wonderful parenting, his love. But we took out a fat life insurance policy for him, so I guess it'd be okay... (Gallows humor.) And now, after a not-completely clear diagnostic test, I'm realizing it could actually be ME who goes first. It's probably nothing, but I find myself torn now between living each day as calmly and normally as possible, and worrying about having to prepare three small children for my exit (if it comes to that). </p>
<p>What an honest post! I never imagined how unifying these thoughts of death could be. The comments are incredible. And you just thought you were thinking out loud...</p>psachya commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5503eeacb88332008-02-13T15:34:54Z2008-02-14T04:54:21ZpsachyaThis hit home for me, but in a different way: A couple of years ago, I walked away from a...<p>This hit home for me, but in a different way:</p>
<p>A couple of years ago, I walked away from a very bad car crash. I fell asleep behind the wheel (I was alone in the car, thank G-d) and crashed head-on into a utility pole. The car was demolished, but I was able to get out and avoid the live wires all over the ground. I don't ever remember being more frightened in my life - both at the time, and in retrospect. While I was forcing open one of the doors to get out, my only thoughts were about my family, and how they would manage without me. I thought about my (then) 6-month-old, and how I might never have a conversation with her. Thank G-d, I got out without a scratch, but I still think about it a lot. My point - I think that when something happens to someone personally - when one is facing their own mortality - they tend to have more thoughts about loved ones, and how they will deal with the loss. When it happens to someone else, I think it becomes more hypothetical, and people don't necessarily take the thought to its conclusion. Except that now, whenever I hear of someone killed in a car crash, that's about all I can think about.</p>Andy McCarthy commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5505275b688342008-02-13T02:38:31Z2008-02-14T04:54:38ZAndy McCarthyI too am like you, my friend David. When I hear of such tales I think about what it would...<p>I too am like you, my friend David. When I hear of such tales I think about what it would be like to die, to be THE one. However, more and more now I think about my kids, both still quite little. Usually these morbid thoughts are quick, passing thoughts. Until recently. On a recent Saturday night, a local women had two children in her car and was taking them home to a sleep-over. They were her twin sister's young son and daughter. After inexplicably crossing the divide of a highway in her car (and missing being hit head on) she pulled over. She then got out, stripped all their clothes off (including her own) and walked back across the busy highway. All were killed. She was sober. Since I have two small children, and my wife is a twin, I was forced to stare at that wreckage straight on. No passing thoughts these. I am still deeply disturbed when I think about this. Needless to say my wife did not sleep well for weeks. I don't pray much but I will tell you I continue pray for those poor people both living and deceased.<br />
</p>Raizy commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5503eed4088332008-02-12T20:31:41Z2008-02-14T04:54:45ZRaizyhttp://superraizy.blogspot.comThis post really hit home for me. Hope you don't mind, but I linked to it on my blog.<p>This post really hit home for me. Hope you don't mind, but I linked to it on my blog. </p>weese commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5503eef1e88332008-02-12T18:12:39Z2008-02-14T04:55:03Zweesehttp://weese.blogspot.comthis happened to me a couple years back. I had lost touch with a dear friend when our kids were...<p>this happened to me a couple years back. I had lost touch with a dear friend when our kids were small and we got all caught up in those child rearing years. It wasn't until several years later that I found out he died of AIDs. I thought back to the last time we had seen him and we even discussed how drawn and tired he looked.<br />
My first thoughts and concerns were that I didn't get to see him. To perhaps visit when he was sick - to bring soup or bedside jokes or just hold his hand. I am still sad about that. <br />
</p>Jaime commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5503eeea588332008-02-12T17:59:35Z2008-02-14T04:54:59ZJaimehttp://www.neshamashelanu.blogspot.comI just wrote a post about Death yesterday. My husband's father is dying and we had to make a decision...<p>I just wrote a post about Death yesterday. My husband's father is dying and we had to make a decision on whether or not we should take our children to see him in the hospital. We did, and we made the right decision, I think, I hope.</p>
<p>One other thought to think about is the other type of mourning - not for the dead, but for friends and family that we have lost or had to say goodbye to. We can be in mourning for many personal reasons; what was and what could be. And yes, unlike the dead, you can still make amends or try to reach out and speak to them again, but the pain, nevertheless, is still very real, very raw, and can take a long time to heal and recover. </p>
<p>Along the lines of your premise on the difference of the sexes, I wonder if there is a difference with men and women in how they mourn the living?</p>David Bailey commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5503eecb888332008-02-12T17:16:30Z2008-02-14T04:54:41ZDavid BaileyWhen my mother in law passed away unexpectedly, I had to shepherd my wife's siblings through the day of the...<p>When my mother in law passed away unexpectedly, I had to shepherd my wife's siblings through the day of the funeral. With everyone gathered around me as we were about to make our way to the cemetery, I thought I would relieve the tension with a joke. It was a silly little joke. The kind you can tell in mixed company or in front of the kids. Looking back after twenty odd years, I don't think I've ever made as big an ass of myself as I did that day.</p>Barzilai commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5503eec8288332008-02-12T16:51:56Z2008-02-14T04:54:39ZBarzilaihttp://www.havolim.blogspot.comIn Hebrew, of course, mercy is Rachamim, from Rechem, the Uterus. (I always thought it was funny that in English,...<p>In Hebrew, of course, mercy is Rachamim, from Rechem, the Uterus. (I always thought it was funny that in English, the word that derives from the uterus is hysteria.) Maybe Testosterone and empathy are antagonists, and with the advancing years, your testosterone/estrogen ratio is changing. Have Doctor Bean prescribe some HGH and Androgel. You'll feel better in a jiffy.</p>Jack commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5503eec7588332008-02-12T16:43:37Z2008-02-14T04:54:39ZJackhttp://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/Call me shallow, call me selfish, just don't call me late for dinner. Ba dump bah, thanks folks, I'll be...<p>Call me shallow, call me selfish, just don't call me late for dinner. Ba dump bah, thanks folks, I'll be here all week. ;)</p>
<p>I always think better him/her than me. It doesn't mean that I don't have any empathy for the loved ones of the departed either. Death is one of those things that I am not ready to experience yet, I have too much to do.</p>
<p>Still, I have found it disconcerting when I realize how many of my contemporaries are gone now. All you can do is try to live your life now and not wait for later. </p>Gila commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5503eed8a88332008-02-12T15:47:05Z2008-02-14T04:54:48ZGilahttp://www.myshrapnel.blogspot.comActually, I have both responses--freaked out by my own mortality and aware that "that could be me" while simultaneously thinking...<p>Actually, I have both responses--freaked out by my own mortality and aware that "that could be me" while simultaneously thinking about those left behind. I suspect it has something to do with my experiences; I honestly do not remember how I thought pre-bombing. </p>
<p>Actually--a female friend of mine recently lost a friend of hers to cancer (they were friends in high school and had lost touch etc). She had the same reaction you did. </p>
<p>Sorry about your loss. </p>Jonathan commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5503eefd788332008-02-12T15:13:05Z2008-02-14T04:55:13ZJonathanIt can be quite shocking discovering old friends are gone. I recently discovered Facebook, and went on a bit of...<p>It can be quite shocking discovering old friends are gone. I recently discovered Facebook, and went on a bit of a binge of looking up old friends (both via facebook and Google). There was one friend for whom Google turned up a notice (from almost two years ago) that he (or more accurately, his body) had been found in the back seat of his car with a plastic bag over his head and pills in his hand. In this case I don't think I felt shock over my own mortality as much as a profound sadness for the loneliness which drove him to do that to himself, and perhaps some guilt (however irrational) that perhaps I could have helped somehow, had I been better at staying in touch. I suppose the guilt is another form of your "male egocentrism" -- i.e. thinking "OK, but how does this relate to me?"</p>treppenwitz commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5503ef00f88332008-02-12T15:07:44Z2008-02-14T04:55:14Ztreppenwitzhttp://www.treppenwitz.comBaila... I think your second instinct was probably closer to the mark. :-) Wry Mouth... Feel free. Just don't show...<p>Baila... I think your second instinct was probably closer to the mark. :-)</p>
<p>Wry Mouth... Feel free. Just don't show it to any of my old English Lit. professors. You know, what with ending the sentence with a preposition and all. Thanks.</p>Wry Mouth commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e55052744e88342008-02-12T15:01:15Z2008-02-14T04:54:23ZWry Mouthhttp://wrymouth.com"I'm not supposed to be getting email notices from my university alumni association telling me that holes in the ground...<p>"I'm not supposed to be getting email notices from my university alumni association telling me that holes in the ground are being filled with people I used to drink beer with"</p>
<p>I'm taking this snippet away with me.</p>Baila commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5503eebd388332008-02-12T12:34:34Z2008-02-14T04:54:34ZBailahttp://www.illcallbaila.blogspot.comOr maybe it just shows a simple mind :-)<p>Or maybe it just shows a simple mind :-)</p>Baila commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5505273c788342008-02-12T12:33:43Z2008-02-14T04:54:11ZBailahttp://www.illcallbaila.blogspot.comYou are completely right about women. When we think of our mortality, we think of leaving our children motherless, not...<p>You are completely right about women. When we think of our mortality, we think of leaving our children motherless, not about our own fear of death. But you guys usually don't worry that much about the "what if"s and "what's gonna be"s. You have a much simpler way of thinking and you deal with the here and now. Which is a not necessarily a bad thing. I think it shows more Emunah than the way we women approach this issue. </p>a. commented on 'Falling off the face of the earth'tag:typepad.com,2003:6a00d8341c581e53ef00e5505276ae88342008-02-12T12:00:20Z2008-02-14T04:54:48Za.If you fall into either of those categories (...) *crickets chirps....* You know, they showed a nice docu here on...<p><i>If you fall into either of those categories</i> (...)</p>
<p>*crickets chirps....*</p>
<p></p>
<p>You know, they showed a nice docu here on tv, about some sunny spot in South Italy, about the people there, economy, hardships and the bit of spare luck, about their lives in general. The part where I sobbed was when a guy in his 60's, who looked so healthy and content said, "You know, life here is simple. But look around! I want to be here forever. I don't want to leave this world... why, life is so beautiful."</p>