I'm just saying...

Someone I love like a sister emailed me last night to ask for some advice.  I suspect she turned to me because I just happen to be the world authority on all things relating to Judaism and the Hebrew language (admittedly a heavy mantle to bear at times).  I take these sort of requests seriously and hate the idea of letting her down, so I'll share my thoughts in hopes you'll help me out.

First the question. 

Uh, actually, first a little back-story and then the question.

[Back-story: Over the past few years, this person has become quite active in a reform synagogue (ironically, the one in which I grew up).  She and her family have been attending shabbat services and taking part in various activities and classes offered through the temple.  One of the organized groups within the temple social structure is focused on the needs of 'gay and lesbian' members of the congregation]

OK, now the question:

"We're trying to come up with a name for our 'gay' group in our Congregation... currently it's called Kulanu. (which means ALL OF US)... none of us in the group are crazy about this name.  It's not easy to say or remember.

Not sure we want "the Queer group" either.  Is there a Hebrew word that you might suggest that would be more reflective of a gay/lesbian Jewish group?"

There are so many places my mind wanted to go with this that I spent almost 20 minutes just shooting down bad ideas.  So here's what remains of my thoughts since receiving her email:

My first instinct was to ask myself why such a group even exists.  If the reform movement has been welcoming to gays and lesbians (which, without question they have)... why mess with that.  If one warm corner of a cold cruel world actually says, "Hey, you guys are our kind of people and we want to make you feel at home amongst us", why in the world would they want to create a distinct sub-group within the congregation to set themselves apart?  After years of trying to be just like everyone else... why voluntarily hyphenate yourselves?

But on the heels of that thought I recalled my own reaction to some of the more shrill members of my old synagogue when I set about recreating the long-defunct 'Men's Club'.  Several women expressed their opinion that such a group was anachronistic, exclusive and sexist... and that the very idea was contrary to the desire for unity we all professed as our goal. 

But I answered that the same could be said about the 'Sisterhood' which, unlike the Men's Club, had never fallen dormant.  I demanded to know why they didn't object to the existence of a group that by its very name was exclusive and sexist?

I suspect this comic opera of an argument has taken place in countless synagogues around the world... and that no two librettos will read exactly the same.  But the way it went with us was that I assured the nay-sayers that as President of the Men's Club I would welcome with open arms (metaphorically speaking) any woman that wanted to pony up the required membership dues.   

In the end there were no takers and the Men's Club remained an exclusively male bastion.  But the fact that I had officially set aside the requirement for a 'Y' Chromosome somehow made everything OK.

However, the issue of a gay & lesbian group within an openly accepting religious environment seems to take the opposite tack.  Instead of creating an exclusive group where others aren't welcome (I imagine that any congregant would be welcomed into the group regardless of his/her 'orientation'), they are making themselves a distinct and separate entity in one of the few places that has actively treated them 'just like everyone else'.

Before I go on I want to caution any of you who are already sharpening your mental pencils.  I'm not interested in how anyone feels about gays or how you think any particular religious group should relate to gays.  I don't use this space to comment on Jews who have made denominational choices that allow them to enjoy BLTs and lobster [~drool~]... and I'm certainly not going to allow anyone else to do so.   

Everyone makes their own deals with G-d.  Perhaps I'm simply not a very good negotiator.  :-)

If you want to read an excellent (IMHO) and sensitive discussion of homosexuality and orthodoxy, go read what Mcaryeh has to say on the subject.  However, today's post is not even tangentially related to that discussion.

What we are discussing here is why a group that has had very limited success in gaining unconditional acceptance and equality anywhere else in the world would turn around and deliberately set themselves apart from a community that has said quite unconditionally to them:

"Do not urge me to leave you, or to turn back and not follow you. For wherever you go, I will go; wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God."

              (Ruth, Chapter 1- verse 16)

Anyway, that's where my mind went after reading her email... and I admit it is way beyond the scope of what I was asked.  If you have ideas on the subject, feel free to share.  Or... if you don't want to wade into such turbulent waters but have a name in mind that you think might be fitting for this group, that would also be a welcome contribution to the discussion. 

For the record, I hated 'Kulanu'.  It sounds like one of those tropical umbrella drinks.  I was thinking more along the lines of either 'Keshet' (Rainbow) or 'Gesher' (Bridge).  But then again, if they really want an easy-to remember name that is also in Hebrew... why not co-opt the accepted term already in use by the Israeli media?:

'Homo'im v'Lesbi'ot'

Don't thank me... I'm a giver.  =;~>

The comment board is open.